Joey's bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running. ChandlerAre you kidding me?! Joey. Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey!!
Joey(Joining in, in his sleep) Joey. Joey. Joey. Joey! Joey!!
(Chandler acts disgusted, but is happy that Joey has stopped snoring. However, just as he is about to leave, Joey starts snoring again. So to get him to stop, he slams the door shut, waking Joey.)
ChandlerOh. Oh, did-did-did I wake you? Central Perk, Chandler is getting another cup of coffee. ChandlerGunther, can I get another cup of coffee, please? (Gunther starts to pour him another cup.) So uh, what do you do when you're not working here?
GuntherYou don't need to fill these silences.
ChandlerOh ok, thanks. (He goes back to the couch and rejoins Monica, Joey, and Phoebe.)
MonicaChandler, that's like your fourth cup of coffee!
PhoebeOk, do me. I've had a certain number of juices. (Monica just gleefully smiles at her.)
ChandlerWell, I am drinking lots of cups of coffee because I'm exhausted! Because Joey started snoring!
MonicaHe's in a different room! He's really that loud?
Joey(Proudly) Oh, you should hear me.
ChandlerIt's not something to be proud of, ok? You have to go to a sleep clinic!
JoeyI told you, I'm not going to any clinic! I don't have a problem, you're the one with the problem! You should go to a "Quit being a baby and leave me alone" clinic!
ChandlerThey don't have those.
JoeyYeah, they do! Quit being a baby and leave me alone! There, you've just had your first class!
MonicaYou know I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he just roll me over...
JoeyOhhh, yeah!
MonicaHe would just roll me over and I would stop snoring.
ChandlerNext time you snore, I'm rolling you over!
JoeyI gotta do what I gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do, you just do it.
Ross(Entering) Hey guys!
ChandlerYeah, all right.
(Joey starts humming Here Come the Bride.)
PhoebeOh, the Olympics.
MonicaHave you guys picked a date yet?
RossUh-aw, no, not yet.
PhoebeI still cannot believe you're engaged! (Ross looks at her) Just 'cause it's happening so fast; not 'cause you're such a loser.
RossOh. Thanks. Uh, has anyone seen uh, Rach?
MonicaUgh, she's upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell you something! I'm not doing them this time! I don't care if those dishes just sit in the sink until they're all covered with- I'll do 'em when I get home!
RossYeah- oh! Hey, listen, umm, Emily found this wedding dress in London...
RossYeah, but it didn't fit. Well, luckily there's a store here that has one left in her size, but I'm the groom, I'm not supposed to see the dress...
MonicaI'll pick it up for you!
RossThank you.
ChandlerOh, she's got you running errands, you know, picking up wedding dresses... (Laughs and makes like Indiana Jones and his whip) Wah-pah!
RossWhat's wah-pah?
ChandlerYou know, whipped! Wah-pah!
JoeyThat's not whipped! Whipped is wh-tcssh!
ChandlerThat's what I did. Wah-pah!
JoeyYou can't do anything! Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is not doing the dishes. She hears someone coming up the stairs and quickly puts down her magazine and pretends like she's actually doing the dishes. RachelHey, Mon, I was just doing the dishes!
RachelOh! It's you. (She stops doing the dishes.) Hi.
RossHey, do uh, do you have a minute?
RachelYeah, yeah, I-I was just about to take a break anyways, so...
RossSo listen, uh, I know you and I haven't really had a chance to talk, since uh, Emily and I decided to get married, and uh, I was just wondering how you were.
RossI know if you were getting married I mean I would feel, uh, kinda... you know?
RachelYeah! Oh-yeah. Eh-def-uh, well it definitely took me by surprise, but you know, uh, I'm ok.
RachelYeah. You know. Ok.
RossAll right, I just wanted to check.
RachelOh, that's sweet, thank you.
(He goes over to hug her.)
RossYou're great. And I-I know someday this will happen for you too. You just hang in there.
Rachel(Breaking the hug) Uhh, hang in there?
RossOh, no, I-I, I didn't mean, uh...
RachelI mean maybe you didn't hear about a serious relationship called me and Joshua?
RossOh, I thought you guys had just been on like four dates, I didn't realize that had become anything, you know.
RachelOh yeah, no-no-no, Oh no-no, it has become, it has- yeah. Oh no, those were four great dates.
RossOh. Yeah?
RachelYeah. Oh, yeah. And I mean, the connection, I mean you know, emotionally, mentally, you know, physically...
RossWow, that's-that's-that's incredible.
RachelI know. Isn't it? It's like I'm right there with Joshua,
RachelYou are right there with Emily. And it's you know, it's kinda like.... it's a tie! Yeah, well, I gotta, I gotta get back to the dishes.
RossOh, I gotta get to work.
RachelOh yeah? Ok.
RossHey, you know, you know what would make me really happy?
RachelOh yeah, no, what's that?
RossIf like the four of us could all... you know, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emily's coming into town this weekend, why don't you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
RachelThat would be great!
RossYeah, all right, all right, it's a date. (He leaves)
Rachel(to the closed door) Hang in there. You hang in there. (Gives him the raspberry.)
Ross(Coming back in) You said something?
RachelNo, just singing. (Does a little song.)
Beatrice Bridal Shop, Monica and Phoebe are there to pick up Emily's dress. MonicaOh my God! Ohh! Look at this one! It's so beautiful!
PhoebeYeah, you know, about half of these are gonna end up getting divorced.
The SalesladyMay I help you ladies?
MonicaOh, yes, umm, I'm here to pick up a dress that you have on hold.
The SalesladyYes, what's the name, please?
MonicaEmily Waltham.
The SalesladyOh yes! I have it right here. (Phoebe and Monica both gasp at the dress.) Would you like to try it on Ms. Waltham?
Monica(Laughs) Ok.
[Time lapse. Monica is wearing the dress and starring at herself in the mirror.]
PhoebeYou're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen.
MonicaI am, aren't I?
The SalesladyMs. Waltham?
The SalesladyWe're closing.
MonicaAll right. (Goes to take off the dress.)
The SalesladyAnd could I get my ring back?
(She disgustedly takes the ring off and gives it back.) Joey's bedroom, he's snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over. ChandlerAll right buddy, time to roll over. (Rolls him over, and discovers a surprise) (Looking down) No-no! (Covers his eyes) No, no-no-no-no-no!! You are going to a clinic! You're going to a clinic, (pause) and a pajama store! Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing the dishes. MonicaDoes she use the cups? Yes! I believe she does. Does she use the plates? Yes! I believe she does. (Looks at the wedding dress and stops.)
[Time lapse, Monica is now wearing the dress while doing the dishes and is making like she is thanking her guests for coming to her wedding. Paging Dr. Crane. Dr. Fraiser Crane!]
MonicaOh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (There's a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
PhoebeNo-no, let me in!
MonicaCan-can you hold on just one minute?
PhoebeNo, you have to let me in right now!
MonicaAre you alone?
MonicaAll right.
(She goes over and lets Phoebe bounce in wearing her own wedding dress.) Chandler and Joey's, Joey is complaining about going to the clinic. JoeyThis sucks! I didn't know I had to stay up all night before I go to this stupid sleep clinic! I'm so tired!
ChandlerIt's 6:00.
Rachel(Entering) Hi!
ChandlerHey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think that's, I think that's really cool.
JoeyYeah, Rach, I think you're handling that really well.
RachelHandling it? What do you mean, handling it? There's nothing to handle. You know, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasn't for me and Joshua. You know, they're not gonna get married anyway!
RachelCome on! They rushed into this thing so fast it's ridiculous! I mean, they're gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realize what they've done and they're gonna call the whole thing off. I'm telling you, you're gonna be dancing at my wedding before you dance at theirs.
ChandlerYeah well, I don't dance at weddings.
RachelWhy not?
ChandlerBecause weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this... (Starts to dancing really, really, really badly. Ross enters behind him and he stops.)
RossHey man.
RossSo, what're you guys doing four weeks from today?
JoeyI am... (Looks in his date book.) free!
RossGreat! Because Emily and I are getting married in a month!
Joey and ChandlerWhat?!
RachelIn a month?
RachelYou mean, you mean 30 days?
RachelFrom now?
RachelWell, that's great.
RossYeah! Yeah, Emily always wanted to get married in this beautiful place that her parents got married, but it's gonna be torn down, so... I mean, I-I know it's crazy, but everything up til now has been so crazy, and... I don't know, it just feels right. You know?
Joey(Still looking in date book) Hey! That's the day after I stop menstruating! (They all look at him.) This isn't mine. Central Perk, Rachel is waiting impatiently for Joshua. Joshua(Entering) Hey, Rachel.
JoshuaWhat's up? Your voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
RachelOhh, nothing, I just wanted to see you. See you and hug you. (Hugs him) See you.
RachelYeah! (She sits down) Sit!
Joshua(Sitting) You ok?
RachelI'm more than ok, I am really, really happy! Wanna know why?
JoshuaDo I?
Rachel'Cause I am really happy about us. I think we are, I think we are so on the right track! You know? I mean, I think we are working, I think we are clicking. You know?
JoshuaYeah, sure-sure, yeah, we're-we're-we're-we're-we're clicking.
RachelYeah-yeah, you know if-if there was just like one little area where I- that I think we need- we would need to work on; I-I would think it was we're just not crazy enough!
JoshuaI-I gotta say, I-I-I-I'm not too sure I agree with that.
RachelWell, yeah, right, you know what? Yeah, you're right, I mean, we no, we have our fun. Yeah! But if (Grunts uncomprehensively)... I mean, I mean like craaaazy! You know?
JoshuaAre you gonna put on that cheerleader outfit again?
Rachel(Starts laughing) No-o-o. Yeah you wish. (Points at him). No. Ok, all- all right. This is gonna, this is gonna sound you know, a little umm, hasty, but uh, just go with it. Umm. Ugh. What if we got married?
JoshuaWhat?! (Gunther is listening in.)
RachelOh, I know, I know, it's-it's so, it's so totally like, "Whoa! Can we do this?" You know, I mean, but I mean it just feels right! Don't you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, don't you?
JoshuaWow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, you're a real special lady, but my divorce isn't final yet and, and, and we've been on four dates, so, I'm thinking "No, but, thanks."
GuntherYOU IDIOT!!!!! The Sleep Clinic, Joey is having trouble staying awake. Sleep Clinic WorkerYour name, please?
JoeyJoey Tribbiani.
Sleep Clinic WorkerUm-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study? (Joey doesn't answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
Chandler(Answering for him) Yes he did.
Sleep Clinic WorkerAlll right, we'll call you in a few minutes.
(As she leaves, a beautiful woman enters and sits down across from the boys.)
Chandler(Waking Joey) Oh, check out that girl! She is really hot!
Joey(Sleepily) Yeah, she is. Wow! (Falls back asleep, loudly) How you doing? You looking good.
(Chandler wakes him up, again.)
ChandlerYou're coming on to the entire room! (He goes over to pick up a stack of magazines next to her, and to get her attention, he throws them back down.) I'm Chandler.
ChandlerYou mind if I...
MarjorieNo, please.
(He sits down next to her.)
ChandlerSo uh, what are you in for?
MarjorieI-I talk in my sleep.
ChandlerWhat a coincidence, I listen in my sleep.
Joey(asleep) So why don't you give me your number? Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe, still defying reality, are now throwing a bouquet at each other, pretending to catch the actual bouquet at an actual wedding. MonicaAre you ready?
(She turns around and throws the bouquet to Phoebe.)
Phoebe(Catching it) I got it! Mine! (They both hug)
PhoebeThank you!
MonicaOk! My turn! My turn!
PhoebeOk! (Gets into position) Ok, ready?
Monica(cocking her head from side to side in some pre-bouquet-catching ritual) Yeah.
PhoebeOk. (Phoebe turns and throws it on the couch.)
Monica(upset) That was a terrible throw!!
PhoebeWell I'm not gonna throw it right to you! That's not real!
MonicaLook at me! My big concern is what's real?! (Finally realizes) Oh my God. We're really sad, aren't we?
PhoebeYeah, I think we are.
MonicaThis isn't even my dress.
PhoebeWell, at least you didn't rent yours from a store called, "It's Not Too Late."
MonicaI'm changing out of this.
PhoebeMe too.
MonicaIn like half a hour?
PhoebeMe too.
MonicaOk. All right throw it straight this time.
(She throws it straight, and Monica makes a big deal about catching it.)
MonicaI'm getting married next!!
PhoebeYay! Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe, back to reality, are sitting in normal clothes. PhoebeI hate my regular clothes now! You know? It's like I look down and-and I know, this isn't gonna be the most special day of my life.
MonicaYeah. I mean it was kinda fun for a while, but didn't you start feeling kinda silly?
PhoebeI guess. Yeah
(Monica crosses her legs and is still wearing the garter belt.)
PhoebeOh my God!
MonicaOh God.
PhoebeOh, you're such a cheater!
Chandler(Entering) Hello! Little ones.
MonicaSo, is Joey gonna stop snoring?
ChandlerYep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (They're stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
PhoebeOh, how'd that happen?
ChandlerBecause I'm cooler.
MonicaNo, seriously.
ChandlerWell she's, you know, she's the kinda girl- Joey was unconscious.
(Joey enters, wearing a mouth guard like boxers wear.)
Joey(muffled by the mouth guard) Hey you guys! What's happening?
MonicaOh my God!
PhoebeWhat is that?
Joey(muffled) Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and it's gonna help me not to snore.
MonicaWell, are you asleep right now, Joe? 'Cause I don't think you have to wear it unless you are!
Joey(Takes out the mouth guard) I know I don't have to! Tastes good. (Puts it back in.)
ChandlerPlus, you look cool.
(Joey totally agrees with this statement and kicks his feet up.) Monica and Rachel's, Monica is putting away the wedding dress, finally. MonicaHope I didn't stretch out Emily's dress too much.
PhoebeNo, your butt's not that much bigger than hers.
Rachel(Entering from her bedroom) Well, I just called Joshua...
PhoebeOh, how did it go?
RachelWell, I did my best to convince him that I'm not some crazy girl who is dying to get married- I'm just going through a hard time.
PhoebeWhat did he say?
RachelWell uh, his answering machine was very understanding. Ugh. I feel blue.
MonicaOhh, sweetie! (Goes to comfort her.) Hey, I bet you anything that he's gonna call you again.
RachelYeah, maybe, but you know, I don't think I even care. I don't think he's the one I'm sad about. You know, I know that I said that I am totally ok with Ross getting married, but as it turns out, I don't think I'm handling it all that well.
PhoebeYeah, maybe.
RachelAnd I-I am just trying to figure out why.
PhoebeAny luck?
RachelWell, yeah, I mean you know how Ross and I have always been on again, off again, on again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again. Again.
MonicaYou know what? I think we all did.
Ross(Entering) Hey!
MonicaHey! (She jumps up and throws Emily's wedding dress into Rachel's room.)
RossSo, I got us some reservations for Sunday night, ok? How about, Ernie's at 9 o'clock?
RachelYeah, well, you uh, better make it for three.
RossOh, see I-I don't know if we're gonna be hungry at three.
RachelThree people. Joshua's not gonna be there.
RossWhat happened?
RachelUh, well, I think, I think he broke up with me.
RossNoo. Why?
RachelWell, apparently he scares easy.
RossOh, Rachel, I'm-I'm sorry.
RachelIt's ok. Sometimes, things don't work out the way you'd thought they would.
RossCome here.
(They hug.)
Rachel(Breaking the hug) Oh, hey, don't you have to go pick up Emily?
RossYou ok?
RachelYeah! I got my girls.
RossOk. (Leaves.)
RachelUgh. (She goes over and lays her head on Phoebe's lap.)
Phoebe(Looks at Monica) Hey, you know what might cheer you up?
[Time lapse, all three girls are now wearing wedding dresses, eating popcorn, drinking beer, and watching TV.]
RachelYou know, I gotta tell you, this really does put me in a better mood.
MonicaOh, I wish there was a job where I could wear this all the time. (Pause) Maybe someday, there will be.
(There's a knock on the door.)
MonicaOh God! That's Chandler. He's gonna come by and borrow some candles for his big date!
RachelOh, ok! (She goes to answer the door.)
MonicaNo-no, Rachel, don't get it! He'll see us!
PhoebeNo, yeah! The groom cannot see the bride!
RachelYou don't gotta marry Chandler!
PhoebeNot after this!
RachelOk, guys, just, relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that it's Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
JoshuaI gotta go.
RachelOh, wait, Joshua! Joshua! (Pause) (Comes back inside) Yeah, well, that oughta do it. Chandler's bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of a sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep. Marjorie(Talking in her sleep) Food's here. Fair enough. Fifteen-minute warning. Late. (Starts screaming which startles Chandler).
(This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandler's door, and starts to complain about the noise.)
Joey(muffled by the mouth guard) Dude! I am trying to sleep! (Shrugs to say, "What's up with that?")

Story by Adam Chase; Teleplay by Michael Curtis & Gregory S. Malins; Transcribed by Eric Aasen; Added footage text by Matthew G; Annotated by ncp