Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are sitting and talking. ChandlerYou know what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much's happening.
JoeyI know. Ross is getting married.
ChandlerPhoebe is, making people.
JoeyEverybody's doing stuff!
ChandlerAnd we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair!
JoeyWhat're we doing?
ChandlerWasting our lives.
JoeyI meant for lunch.
ChandlerLook, we have to do something. Ok? Something huge!
Joey(snaps his fingers) We could climb Mt. Everest!
ChandlerNo-no, not something stupid, something huge.
JoeyNo-no-no-no-no, I saw an ad for this video, people climb that thing everyday! We could totally do that!
ChandlerWhy not?! I mean it's just, it's just climbing! It's just, it's just steep!
JoeyYeah!
ChandlerWe're going to Everest! Ok, it would be nice to leave an ass print on Everest!
Phoebe(Entering) Hey!
JoeyHey!
PhoebeWhat-what's up?
JoeyWe're gonna climb Mt. Everest!
ChandlerYeah baby!
PhoebeReally?! I looked into that. Yeah, but, I mean it costs like $60,000 and you know you could die. And, and you would die!
Chandler(dejected) Yeah, well...
JoeyWe can get that Everest video you know.
ChandlerYeah, we could do that without, you know risking our lives at all!
JoeyAnd while we're down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandler's excited.) Oh, you know what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.
Chandler(dejected) Oh, well...
PhoebeSo you guys'll stay here and hang out with me?
ChandlerYeeeeahhhh.
JoeyYeah. Yeah.
ChandlerBut I'll tell you something. One of these days we're gonna get off our butts and rent Die Hard again!
JoeyYeah we are! Ross's apartment, Emily slowly and quietly walks out of Ross' room while Ross is sitting at his table addressing invitations. RossWow! That was fast. It usually takes me two hours to get Ben to go down for his nap.
EmilySuch a little sweetheart. Do you know what he just said?
RossWhat?
EmilyGood night, mommy.
RossOh, yeah, that's 'cause he has got lots of mommies. Yeah, in fact, it's kinda become his word for "woman".
EmilySo what did we decide? Does your uncle Nathan get an invite or not?
RossOhh, God, nobody likes him, and he's so cheap, I mean he'd never fly to London in a million years. Yeah, invite him. Hey, did I do these neat enough? (Hands her some envelopes.)
EmilyYeah, they're fine.
RossYeah?
EmilyIf anyone asks, we'll say that Ben addressed them. (Looking through the envelopes.) Oh! So you invited Rachel then?
RossSure. Why not?
EmilyReally?
RossYeah?
EmilyOh, I don't think I'd be comfortable having any of my old lovers there.
RossWait-wait-wait, do you, do you think, maybe we shouldn't invite her?
EmilyOh, no-no, Ross, you know I absolutely adore Rachel, it's just that, well I thought it might be way awkward for you. But it's absolutely your decision. (Gets up.) More tea?
RossYeah sure.
EmilyEarl Grey?
RossHuh? Yeah, fine, invite whoever you want.
[And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and Rachel, from Ross's point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.] Central Perk, Ross is complaining about Carol. RossI don't want to be single, ok? I just, I just- I just wanna be married again!
(Enters Rachel in a wet wedding dress. She starts to search around the room.)
ChandlerAnd I, just want a million dollars! (Extends his hand hopefully)
MonicaRachel?!
RachelOh God Monica, hi! Thank god...
[Cut to later]
MonicaOk, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and-and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
RachelSure!
RossHi.
(They go to hug but Ross' umbrella opens. He sits, defeated again)
[Cut to later] Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are finishing up some cookies. RossYou know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
RachelI knew.
RossYou did! Oh... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
RachelI did.
RossOh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be ok if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
RachelYeah, maybe...
RossOk... ok, maybe I will...
[The next clip is from The Blackout.] Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are talking about passion. Ross See, I see uh... big passion in your future.
RachelReally?
RossI do.
RachelOh, Ross, you're so great. [She playfully rubs his head and gets up]
[Ross gets up, pleased with himself and starts to walk past Joey.]
JoeyIt's never gonna happen.
[Cut to later] Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat. RossOk, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
RachelOK.
RossOK. Huhh. Umm, well for a while now, I've been wanting to, um....
RachelOhhh!!!! [Looking at something behind Ross]
RossYes, yes, that's right...
RachelOh, look at the little cat over there! [A small kitten is on the roof behind Ross]
RossWhat? [The cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow! Inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off Ross' shoulder. Monica, Joey, and Phoebe[Singing] I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation...
[The next clip is from The East German Laundry Detergent.] The Laundromat, Rachel is fighting with that old, annoying woman for a cart. RachelAll right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
[She thinks it over, and then walks away.]
Rachel[to Ross] Yes! Did you see that?
RossYou were incredible! A brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
RachelThank you, I could not have done this without you.
[Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.]
RossOk, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? [Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.] I'm fine, I'm fine.
[The next clip is from Ross Finds Out.] Central Perk, I'm sure you've guessed, it's the famous fight scene between Ross and Rachel. RossYou had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.
Rachel[hurt] What?
RossI was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.
RachelHey, I was doing great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
[Cut to later]
RossThe point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
[Cut to later]
RachelAlright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.
RossFine.
RachelI don't need your stupid ship.
RossGood.
RachelGood. [Ross leaves]
[Cut to later]
[Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.]
[Cut to later]
[She opens the door and they kiss.]
[The next clip is the second famous fight in Ross and Rachel Take A Break.] Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are arguing. RachelRoss do you realise this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about? This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at? I mean. if you don't get that...
RossNo hey, I get that, ok? I get that big time. And I'm happy for you, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Ok, I don't know what to do anymore.
RachelWell neither do I!
RossIs this about Mark?
Rachel(shocked) Oh my God.
RossOk, it's not, it's not.
RachelOh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight, over and over again, Ross. No, you're, you're, you're making this too hard.
RossOh I'm, I'm making this too hard. Ok, what do you want me to do.
RachelI don't know, I don't know. Look, Urrrgh! Maybe we should just take a break.
RossYou're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, (Goes to the door) let's cool off, ok, let's get some frozen yogart or something... (Opens the door)
RachelNo. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us.
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
[The next clip is from The Morning After.] Ross's apartment, Ross is hurrying Chloe out the door. ChloeDo I know why we're rushing?
RossYeah, you know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (He's frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
ChloeThat's so great for you guys!
RossYeah!
[Cut to later]
ChloeGood luck with your girlfriend.
RossOh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (Opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!
RachelHi. Ohhh, you got my message.
RossYeah, oh hey, you are right on time.
RachelSo, what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?
RossYes, you can, very much.
(Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.)
Ross(Seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
[Cut to later] Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom. Rachel(Opening the door) I want you to leave! Get outta here!
RossNo!!
RachelJust get out! Now!!
RossNo!! No!! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this.
RachelOk! All right! How was she?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
ChandlerUh-oh.
[Cut to Living Room]
RossWhat?
RachelWas she good?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
JoeyDon't answer that.
[Cut to Living Room]
RachelCome on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it!! How was she?
RossShe was...
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
JoeyAwful! She was horrible!
ChandlerShe was not good. Not good.
JoeyShe was nothing compared to you.
[Cut to Living Room]
RossShe, she was different.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
JoeyEwwwww!
ChandlerUh-oh. [Cut to Living Room]
RachelGood different?
RossNobody likes change. I-
(Rachel picks up a newspaper and starts beating him with it.)
RossWhat? Ok, ok, ok, ok.
[The next clip is from The Jellyfish.] Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it. Rachel...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much you've grown. You know? I mean my mom never thought this would work out. She was all, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Ooh, I just wish we hadn't lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...
RossWE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!
[Cut back to the present.] A mailbox, Ross is mailing the invitations. He throws a bunch into the mailbox, but pauses with Rachel's. And it starts another round of clips. [The Fake Party.] The hallway, Rachel is convincing Ross that Emily is good for him. RachelYou seem to really like her.
RossYeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed it was gonna be a two-week, thing, you know no commitment.
RachelRoss, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica's photo albums, I mean you don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks.
RossYou think?
RachelYou've got like 14 hours, until she has to be at the airport, and you're sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
RossHey, you're right.
RachelYeah.
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.] Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are opening their invitations. MonicaOhh, this is soo amazing! I can't believe my brother's getting married! And in London! I mean, it's just, it's so romantic!
Joey(taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! You're at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation."
PhoebeOooh look! Isn't this adorable, Ross let Ben address mine!
Chandler(Entering) Hello!
JoeyHey!
MonicaHey!
PhoebeHey! Hey, did you get your invitation to Ross's wedding?
Chandler(sarcastic) Noo.
JoeyOh, don't worry man, I get to bring a guest. We'll show him.
PhoebeI'm so jealous you're all going! I can't believe I never knew that you can't fly in your third trimester!
ChandlerI didn't know that.
MonicaI never knew that either.
JoeyI knew that! (They all look at him) I sooo didn't know that, but you should see your faces.
Rachel(Entering) Hi guys! What's up?
JoeyHeyyy. (They all try and hide their invitations.)
MonicaWe're hanging out.
(Rachel starts going through her mail, and come across her invitation.)
RachelWhat's this? Is this Ross's wedding invitation?
ChandlerSee, maybe that's the one we should've actually hidden.
RachelOh, no! No you guys! Come on, you don't have to do that! I'm hap-happy for him! I am! I really - I'm-I'm happ - I'll work on it.
MonicaI'm sorry honey.
RachelErm.
MonicaRach, you're gonna come though aren't you?
RachelOh, honey, I don't know.
ChandlerThis isn't one of those uh, you know "If she doesn't come, we-we don't, we don't come?" Right? Because I already bought my ticket...
Joey(Interrupting) Dude, you're not even invited!
MonicaYou know what would be real weird? Is if you weren't there. Just say you'll think about it, ok?
RachelNo, I'll think about it. Yeah.
[And with that, we go into another set of clips, this time from Rachel's point of view.]
[The first clip is from Rachel Finds Out.] Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill the beans. RachelWho's this from?
ChandlerOh, that's Ross's.
RachelOh... [Opens it]... [Sees it is a pin] Oh my God. He remembered.
PhoebeRemembered what?
RachelIt was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
PhoebeThis must 've cost him a fortune.
MonicaI can't believe he did this.
ChandlerCome on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
[Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel.]
RachelWhat did you just say?
Chandler[stuttering incoherently] F-hah.... flennin....
RachelOh.... my God.
[The next clip is from Ross's New Girlfriend.] The airport, Ross is about to walk off of the plane with Julie. (Flight number 557 from Beijing, now arriving.] Rachel(Seeing Ross come off the plane with another woman.) Oh my God.
[Cut to later] Monica and Rachel's, Ross is introducing Julie to the gang. JulieWell, Ross and I were in grad school together.
RossBut we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
RachelJulie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
[Cut to later] Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to hang up on Julie. RossOh, that is so sweet.(Listens) No, no, ok, no, you hang up. No, you, ok, ok, one, two, three.(He doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel to be quiet.) Well you didn't hang up either.
RachelShe didn't hang up either...
RossOk, no, no, you hang up. You, you, yo- (Rachel grabs the phone and hangs it up for him.)
[The next clip is from Ross Finds Out.] A Restaurant, Rachel is on her date, drunk, and is leaving that answering machine message. Rachel[on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat... So obviously, I am over you. I am over you, and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [Hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
[Cut to later]
Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages. RossRach, I got a message from you.
[Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
RachelOh my God. Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the... [Jumps off the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
RossYou're over me?
RachelOhhh God. [Climbs off his back]
RossWha... you're uh, you're, you're over me?
RachelOhh, God.
RossWhen, when were you... under me?
RachelBasically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you.
[Cut to later in the same scene]
RossOK, I need to lie down.
[The next clip is from The List.] Chandler and Joey's, Ross has just broken up with Julie and is about to get with Rachel. JoeyHe broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.
RachelReally?
RossReally. It's always been you, Rach.
RachelOh, God.
[Ross and Rachel hug.]
Chandler and JoeyOhhh.
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross And Rachel... You Know.] The planetarium, Ross and Rachel are about to... you know. RossListen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
RachelOh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight.
[They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.]
RachelAh, oh God. Oh, honey, oh, that's OK.
RossOh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
[The next clip is from The Morning After.]
Central Perk, Ross is trying to prevent Gunther from spilling the beans. RossGunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the copy place.
GuntherI'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?
(Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
[The next clip is from At The Beach.] The beachhouse, Ross and Rachel are arguing about the breakup. RossHey! You're the one who ended it, remember?
RachelYeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!
RossYou still love me?
RachelNoo.
[cut to later]
RossWhat does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?
RachelNoo! Maybe! I, I don't...
RossWhat?!
RachelI just, I feel...
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss.)
[The next clip is from The Jellyfish.] Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are finally breaking up for good, or is it? RachelYou know I can't believe I even thought of getting back together again! We are so over!!
Ross(Starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (He opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
[cut to later]
RachelAnd hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
ChandlerI KNEW IT!!!!
[Cut back to the present.] Central Perk, Rachel is deciding on whether or not to go to the wedding. [Cut to another clip, this one is from The Prom Video.] Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching the prom video and Rachel is about to make her entrance on the video. Mrs. GellerI see Rachel's coming up. Doesn't she look pretty. Jack... [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
RachelOh my God.
MonicaYou know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
RachelOh.
RossYou know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.
AllOh yeah we do. Come on.
Mrs. GellerDid you get a shot of Monica.
Mr. GellerWait, how do you zoom out? [Zooms out and we see an extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich] There she is.
MonicaShut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
ChandlerAhh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
[Cut to later]
MonicaDad, turn it off.
Mr. GellerIt is off. Right Ross? [Pans over to see Ross with an Afro and moustache]
JoeyLooking good Mr. Kotter.
[Cut to later]
RachelI can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late.
MonicaIf you don't, you're not going then I don't wanna go either.
Mrs. Geller[to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
[cut to later]
RossYou know what? I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.
AllNo, no, no.
RossOK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.
Mr. GellerCome on kid, let's go.
Mrs. GellerAhh, are you handsome.
Mr. GellerLet's show 'em.
ROSS[Walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK, dad.
Mr. Geller[Going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining...Oh no. [Chip has shown up and the four are leaving]
Rachel, Monica, Roy, and ChipBye.
Mrs. GellerOh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?
MonicaI can't believe you did that.
RossYeah, well.
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
PhoebeSee, he's her lobster.
[Cut back to the present, Rachel has made her decision.]
Monica(Seeing the decision) Nooooo. You're really not going?
RachelYeah. It's just gonna be too hard. You know? I mean, it's Ross. How can I watch him get married? You know it's just, it's for the best, you know it is, it's... You know, plus, somebody's gotta stay here with Phoebe! You know she's gonna be pretty big by then, she needs someone help her tie up her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labor.
MonicaYou don't have a car. And your license expired.
RachelI know. (Starts to cry) Yeah, see, there's so much to do and I have so little time to do it in. Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are reading a book about things to do whilst in London. ChandlerAll right, check it out. Check this out. It says here that there's a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums! (Reading from the book.) "It's almost as good as being there."
JoeyIt's better! You can't go to a museum in your underwear!
ChandlerWell, You could, but... probably just the one time.
JoeyI bet we can get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
ChandlerIf we do that, we gotta rent Die Hard.
JoeyHo-ho! I bet the British version is gooooood!

Written by Seth Kirkland; Transcribed by Eric Aasen, with Help from Darcy Partridge; Episodes Orginally Transcribed by guineapig, Ruth Curran, Mindy Mattingly Phillips, Josh Hodge, Dan Silverstein, and Eric Aasen; Added footage text by Matthew G; Annotated by ncp