Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses. MonicaYou look cute in bubbles.
ChandlerEhh, you're just liquored up.
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
JoeyHey, it's me! I'm coming in!
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
ChandlerI've had a very long, hard day. You're home early.
JoeyYeah, my date threw up. Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken, you want some?
ChandlerAhh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
(Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)
JoeyYou sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans?
ChandlerFor last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!
JoeyAll right!
(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
ChandlerAre you ok? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me if I want chicken.
MonicaChicken? I could eat some chicken.
ChandlerHey Joe!
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
ChandlerYeah, can I get a 3-piece, some coleslaw, and some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in pain as Monica grabs him underwater)-Diet Coke.
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.) Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are eating breakfast. Phoebe(Entering) Hey!
ChandlerHey, Pheebs!
JoeyMorning Pheebs!
PhoebeI have to tell you this story. Ok, I was coming over here and this cab driver...
Joey(Interrupting) Was his name Angus? (Monica and Chandler laugh.)
JoeyOh, he was this cab driver we had in London.
PhoebeOh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway...
MonicaWait, what that place, that pub he took us to?
ChandlerUh, The Wheatsheaf.
JoeyYeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh...
AllBoddingtons! Woohoo! (And they all high-five each other.)
ChandlerOoh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.
PhoebeYeah, ok, so, he had a really funny hat- I don't wanna talk about it.
Ross(Entering) Hey!
JoeyHey, Ross, Boddington! Yeah! Ho-ho, man (Phoebe is depressed.)
RossYeah! (They high-five.)
JoeyThat was good beer.
JoeyYou know, I'd walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad boys.
RossYou know, I think they have those at that British pub at the trade center.
JoeyLater! (Exits.)
RossIsn't Rachel supposed to be back by now?
MonicaYeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, (Checks watch) she should be here by now.
RossOh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad?
MonicaNo, but, she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
RossOk, I did not abandon Rachel! Ok? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! You know- Emily! Emily, is my wife. Man, what is that?
PhoebeSo you still hadn't heard from Emily?
RossNo, not since I lost her at the airport.
ChandlerI can't believe she can outrun you man!
RossHEY, SHE'S FAST! OKAY?! (Chandler is so shocked at Ross's outburst that he drops his spoon and backs up) Oh! You-you think you can beat me? Let's go! Outside! (calmly) I'm-I'm sorry, I'm just a little...
Monica(Interrupts)...slow? (Chandler starts laughing)
Ross(to Monica) Oh you want some?! Huh? Ok, get the shoes on! (Points to her room) Let's go man!
MonicaIt's cool, ok? You're the fastest!
Rachel(Entering) Hi!
AllHey! (They all go hug her, except for Ross.)
RossRach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.
RachelOh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do. Hey Pheebs.
RossWhat? That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.
RachelTerrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. It's not too shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
RossSo, what? That's it?
RachelWell, yeah! We're cool. Totally cool.
RossUh. Thanks Rach. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)
RachelOh no, you're the best.
Ross(Breaking the hug) Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! (Runs to the door.) Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long-stem, red roses to her parents' house, one for each day that I've known and loved her. That oughta get her talk to me again.
ChandlerOh, Ross, when you make out the card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
(Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off.)
MonicaHey that's great that you- so good that you had such a good time in Greece!
RachelWhat?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Ok? I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay, in, their, honeymoon, suite, with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you cry?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
ChandlerOh that's not true.
RachelYes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
PhoebeLondon is stupid! Stupid!
RachelI put on a cheerleading outfit to seduce Joshua. Then I lost him because I asked him to marry me after four dates. And then I uh I went to Greece on somebody else's honeymoon. Ok? Do those sound like very good decisions to you?
MonicaI like your little braid. (Both her and Chandler motion at it.)
RachelAll right. You know what? I just shouldn't be allowed to make decisions anymore. Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.
PhoebeOh... No, I did that for someone once. I'm-I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.
MonicaI'll do it!
RachelThat's fine. So Monica, you are now in charge of my love life.
ChandlerOk, I gotta go to work.
(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
ChandlerAnd uh, Rachel, great to have you back.
(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
ChandlerPheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.) Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London. MonicaOh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of you and Joey at the reception.
RachelOhh, he's married! Ross is married. I can't- I still can't believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)
MonicaOh. Honey, sweetie, by the edges.
RachelI mean, you know I'm just gonna have to accept it (She grabs the rest of the pictures)-
MonicaOhh. (Monica covers her eyes in horror.)
Rachel...I mean it's my fault.
MonicaSweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures!
RachelOh my God! (She licks the top picture and hands them back.)
MonicaIt's ok. That's ok. I-I know that you're very upset right now ok. I know, I know that wasn't about me.
Joey(To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
MonicaIf you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to listen in.) I mean, he's nice, he's cute.
RachelYeah, I guess Gunther is kind of...
Monica(Interrupting) Look the guy over there (She points at another guy and Gunther is deflated.) Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time.
RachelOh, I don't know. I don't know.
MonicaYou're going to talk to him! You know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
RachelAll right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.
JoeySay that to him and you're golden. (She just glares at him.)
Phoebe(Entering) Hey!
JoeyHey, Pheebs!
MonicaWe got out pictures back from London. (Shows her one.) Here's all of us at the Tower of London.
Phoebe(Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you, and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
ChandlerAll right, you know what, we've been talking about London too much haven't we?
PhoebeNo. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.
Chandler & JoeyUh we're sorry. Sorry Pheebs.
MonicaYou know what I like to do? It sounds a little corny but sometimes when I'm bummed out, I like to just close my eyes and think about what a wonderful gift life is.
(As Phoebe closes her eyes, Monica quickly grabs her pictures back and puts them away in her purse.)
MonicaSee? (Phoebe opens her eyes)
(Rachel returns.)
MonicaWhat happened?
RachelWell, you know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.
MonicaSee, didn't I tell you?! You're getting over Ross already!
(Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.")
Gunther(To the guy) Get out! Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters to find Monica waiting impatiently for him. He closes the door and they start kissing. MonicaAw. What took you so long?
ChandlerI got caught up at work, but I'm quitting tomorrow.
(They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
ChandlerSo, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)
Joey(Jumping out of his way) See ya! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
MonicaProbably some, you know, European goodbye thing he picked up in London.
RachelWh- That's not European!
PhoebeWell, it felt French.
Joey(intrigued) Well I guess it's time for me to say goodbye too, mon frère. (Looks at Monica) Come here give me a little sugar. (Monica puts her hand in his face and pushes him away. He leaves.) The hallway between the apartments, Rachel is returning from her date with Dave. RachelOh God, I really had a good time!
DaveYeah, me too. (They reach her door.) Uh. So, I guess this is it.
RachelYeah. Umm, unless you wanna come inside?
RachelOk. Oh, uh, wait a minute, you know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, ok, just hold on a second. Ok.
(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
RachelUmm, hi!
RachelIs Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.
RossDoing her laundry.
RachelWhat's that? (Points to the box.)
RossCame in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
RachelOh, honey that's awful.
RossOh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna, go wander out in the rain for a while.
RachelBut, it's not raining.
RossI can't catch a break!
RachelYou know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? Ok. (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!
RachelUmm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Ok? Ok! Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now and that they're not gonna get any...
Monica(Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to you just for a minute? I-I dropped some socks.
RachelYeah! (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the dropped socks.)
MonicaWhat is the matter with you?! Do-do you wanna fall into the trap? Do you wanna fall into the trap?!
RachelOhh! You did not drop any socks!
MonicaI just ran into Dave he told me you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! And what the hell were you trying to do?
RachelWell, ultimately, I was trying you know, I-I wanted...tell him you know, that I'm still in love with him.
Monica(Gasps) What?! You cannot tell him that!
RachelWhy? Why not?! People love to hear that! Come on I love you. Now, wasn't that nice?
MonicaNo. I make the decisions, and I say no.
RachelWell, you know what, no, you don't make my decisions because, you're fired.
MonicaYou can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired!" Ha!
RachelWell... (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica's laundry and throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)
MonicaRachel! Come on! Let me in!
Joey(Poking his head out.) Having some trouble?
MonicaRachel locked the door.
JoeyI'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.
[Cut to inside the apartment.]
RachelRoss, there's something I wanna talk to you about. I just need to..
Monica(Banging on the door outside) Rachel, open this door.
Ross(to Rachel) What, is it locked?
RachelShe's fine. Listen...
Monica(Still pounding outside) Rachel, I can do this all night if I have to!
RossDo you want me to get that?
RachelNo. You know what? Jus-just let her do her thing and we'll do our thing. 'Cause I really need to tell you...(Monica pounds continuously.)
(Ross decides to open the door for her, in which she has a sock on her hand she was banging with.)
MonicaThank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?
MonicaI really need to talk to you.
RachelWell, then talk!
MonicaOk, I will. Remember that thing that we just discussed that you wanted to do?
RossWhat thing?
MonicaWell, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never going to get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
RossMonica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. (Looks at the rose mulch.) My God, think of the massacre.
RachelI'm gonna do it.
MonicaAll right, Rachel, ok, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. 'Cause I bet you, you can't.
RachelBut I...
RachelAll right, fine.
(There's a loud bang on the door.)
MonicaJoey, I'm in!
Joey(In tremendous pain) All right. Good deal. Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are there as Rachel enters. RachelHi.
AllHey, Rach.
MonicaSo how did you find anyone that agrees with you yet?
RachelNo. But you know what? I think-I think I need a male point of view. (Chandler leans in.) Joey. (Chandler leans back.) You're a man.
JoeyYou got that right.
RachelNow do you think it would be a good idea if I told Ross that I was still in love with him?
(Phoebe enters.)
AllPheebs! Hey Pheebs!
JoeyUh, ok, Pheebs?
JoeyUmm, you know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and you were kinda feeling left out?
JoeyAll right, well, we all felt really bad about that. So, we decided, that we should all take a little trip together!
PhoebeOhh, that's so nice! How great! Where, where? Where's the trip?!
MonicaWell, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!
Phoebe(excited) Central...(not so excited) Park!
JoeyYeah, all of us! All day!
PhoebeThat sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? "Well, it's right by my house, all right!"
ChandlerWell, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)
Rachel(Stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! You know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you've got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I just- you know- just stop it!
ChandlerI was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
PhoebeThat's fine, just don't bring it in my mouth.
MonicaMakes me wanna puke! (Chandler looks at her, quizzically.) Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe. RossHey everybody, Pheebs is here!
ChandlerHey, Pheebs!
RachelPhoebe, woo!
PhoebeOk, woo! Hi.
ChandlerOk, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little... You know, it didn't have any... It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
PhoebeOoh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Whose plan was that?
RossWait! It was my plan.
JoeyNooo, I said we needed a new plan.
RossAnd, I came up with Atlantic City.
JoeyWhich, is the new plan!
MonicaOk, well, why don't we, um, all meet upstairs in an hour?
PhoebeOk! Ooh-ahh, I'm gonna go pack. I'm gonna go pack my ass off!
RossWell, I think I'm gonna grab some coffee 'cause my ass is already packed. (They all think about it and grimace at the thought.)
(They all go pack except for Ross.)
MonicaAll right. Come on Rach, let's go.
RachelYeah, you know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.
MonicaNo! Rachel, you didn't find anyone so you can't tell him.
RachelWell, you know what, that doesn't matter.
MonicaOk, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?
RachelAgain, I-I don't care.
MonicaOk. I-I can't watch. (Leaves as Ross sits down to read the paper.)
RachelWhatcha reading?
RachelYeah, what's it about?
RossEvents from around the globe.
RachelOk. Uhh, Ross, you know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's been saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I-I think they're wrong. I mean, you know how people can be wrong.
RossSure. Uh once at work I-I thought carbon dating is fossilized...
RachelOk, Ross, I'm really trying to tell you something here.
RossGo ahead.
RachelUmm, ok, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh (Pause) I'm still in love with you, Ross.
(Ross is stunned.)
RossWow. Umm... Huh... I'm-I'm, Um, I'm not sure what to do with that right now.
(Rachel starts laughing hysterically.)
RossWhat? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
Rachel(Laughing) I'm so dead serious. I'm totally serious.
RossWhy are you laughing?
RachelBecause (Laughs), because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and it's like, it's like when I said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, you know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel (Laughs) was like, "You are such an idiot!"
RossWell, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife since the wedding.
Rachel(Laughs) I'm sorry, that's not funny.
RossActually, it-it kind of is. My wife won't return my calls. I don't know where my wife is. (Laughs) "Hey Ross, where's the Mrs.?" Don't know!
RachelOh God, ohh, ok, you know what, do you think ah, do you think you could just kinda forget that I told you this?
RossWell, I kinda have to. I mean, 'cause the thing is...
RachelWell, the thing is, you know, that you're married to Emily.
RossThat is what the thing is.
RachelOh, God. Thing- Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?
RossNo. No. No, God, I'm-I'm glad you did. Look, if-if nothing else, it's-it's always great when someone tells you they love you all right.
RachelRo- That's what I said! Ross, thank you for being so nice. (They hug.)
RossNo thank you for... Thank you.
(Both sit down.)
RachelOh, God. I'm just glad I didn't give you the cassette I made of all of our songs.
RossWhat-what, eh, what songs?
RachelOh you know: "With or Without You".
RossOh yeah.
Rachel"Everybody Hurts".
RossOhhh yeah.
RossWh-why "Rhiiannon"?
RachelCome on, you remember! In-in the living room? On Monica's laundry?
Ross(Trying to figure it out) Not me.
Rachel(kind of speechless) Really! Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are in the living room packing while Rachel enters from her room. MonicaSo what happened?
RachelUhhh. Well, it was really hard but..umm..I'm glad I did it.
MonicaSo was I right or-or wrong?
RachelWell, oh, come on, honey, does it really matter?
MonicaYes. I need it for my score book. (Rachel is shocked as Monica tries to retrieve what she just said.) Diary.
(The guys enter.)
RossOk, let's go!
ChandlerYeah Atlantic City!
RossCome on!
PhoebeAtlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!
(They high-five and howl, but Phoebe suddenly stops and the guys gasp and retreat in shock.)
JoeyUh, Pheebs, you, leaking.
MonicaOh my God! Your water broke!
The GuysOhh! Ok.
PhoebeAll right. Well, don't worry, I call shotgun! (She starts out the door.)
AllWhoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait-wait!
ChandlerPheebs! We have to take you to the hospital now!
PhoebeOk. Yeah. Well, there's probably one on the way to Atlantic City.
RossPheebs, Pheebs, the babies are coming now.
RachelHoney, high-five, the babies are coming! (They all high-five.)
PhoebeWait, wait, remember when my water broke? (They all high-five again.) The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back. MonicaI can't believe Phoebe's gonna have her babies!
ChandlerI know, it's beautiful and amazing.
(They both kiss.)
ChandlerYou know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.
MonicaDo you know anything about women?
MonicaIt's all right.
ChandlerOk. (They kiss again.)

Written by Wil Calhoun; Transcribed by Eric Aasen; Added footage text by Matthew G; Annotated by ncp