Phoebe and Rachel's new apartment, Rachel and Phoebe are making their answering machine message. PhoebeReady?
RachelYeah.
PhoebeOk.
RachelHi...
Phoebeit's...
RachelRachel...
Phoebeand...
RachelPhoebe's...
Phoebeplease...
Rachelleave...
Phoebeleave...
RachelWait, I-I just said "leave."
PhoebeYeah, I know because you have all the good words. What do I get? I get "it's," "and" oh I'm sorry, I have "A." Forget it.
RachelPhoebe, come on, that's silly.
PhoebeAll right, so let's switch.
RachelNo, I have all the good words. OK, fine, fine, we can switch.
PhoebeOk.
RachelOk.
PhoebeHi...
RachelEverybody...
PhoebeIt's...
RachelRachel...
Phoebeand...
RachelPhoebe's...
PhoebePlease...wait, how did you do that?
RachelWhat?
PhoebeOh, you're no ordinary roommate are you? This is gonna be interesting.
RachelPhoebe, come on, can we finish this later? 'Cause I wanna go running before it gets dark. Oh! Why don't you come with me?!
PhoebeReally?
RachelYeah, it'll be fun. We'll run in the park. It'll be like our, our first you know roommate bonding thing.
PhoebeOk, let's go running!
RachelYeah and there's really cute guys there.
PhoebeLet's run towards them!
RachelOK!
PhoebeAll right, wait just one more second. Hi, it's Phoebe and Rachel's. Please leave a message, thanks!
RachelNow, wait a minute. You just took all the words!
PhoebeUh-huh. You've met your match Rachel Green. Monica and Chandler's new apartment, Ross and Chandler are there. RossSo, I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So, theoretically you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and-and-and live forever as a machine.
Chandler(not amused) And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.
[Monica enters]
MonicaHey!
Ross and ChandlerHey!
Monica(jumps over a box) Honey, that's a great idea nailing the boxes to the floor!
ChandlerI didn't nail the boxes to the floor.
MonicaOh, So you can move them!
ChandlerYes, and while I'm doing that, Ross has a great computer story for you.
[Joey enters with his new roommate who is played by none other than Elle MacPherson.]
JoeyHey everybody! Uh, I'd like you to meet Janine. She's-she's gonna be my new roommate!
JanineHi.
RossHi! (Rushes over to shake her hand instantly.)
JanineHi.
JoeyYeah, she's gonna live with me!
MonicaIt's nice to meet you. Uh Janine...?
JanineLeCroix. Janine LeCroix
JoeyI didn't know that! Well, what a pretty last name!
ChandlerSo, uh, where-where're you from?
JanineAustralia, I just moved here a couple of weeks ago.
Joey(shocked) From the land Down Under? I didn't know that either!
RossSo uh, wha-uh, what do you do?
JanineI'm a dancer.
JoeyYou're a dancer? She-she's a dancer!
JanineWell, I think I'll go and, unpack.
JoeyOh, hey let me. (Opens the door for Janine and after he closes the door behind her gasps ecstatically.)
MonicaJoey, did you even interview this woman before you asked her to move in?
JoeyOf course I did.
MonicaUh-huh, what exactly did you ask her?
Joey"When can you move in?"
RossThank you for bringing her into our lives.
ChandlerUnbelievable.
MonicaDown boy!
ChandlerOh-no-no-no. She's not my type. Not for me, she's not my type. She's too...
MonicaBeautiful, tall, sexy, showing her stomach?
ChandlerHey, look at all the boxes!
JoeyUgh, I cannot wait to ask her out!
MonicaWait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It'll-it'll be way too complicated.
RossYeah, yeah man don't do it. I mean if you date her, then-then-then I can't date her.
Chandler(to Joey) Look, you know, what if you started going out with her and it didn't work out?
RossThat's when I make my move.
ChandlerNow remember when you were going out with that girl Donna? You guys broke up. Remember how horrible it was when you guys bumped into each other at the supermarket?
JoeyOh God, yeah.
ChandlerNow imagine you live, at the supermarket.
Joey(happily) Ok!
ChandlerNo-no.
JoeyOh, Oh, you're right! I don't want that like- I can't date her!
MonicaYeah and you better watch the flirting too, because you know, in such close quarters, it could be trouble.
JoeyWell that's gonna be tough Mon. I mean, it's hard for me to be around an attractive woman and-and not flirt.
Monica(chuckles) Hmm, well you're around me all the time and you don't flirt.
JoeyA little sad about that sweet? The Park. Phoebe and Rachel are getting ready to go running. PhoebeI 've to tie my shoe, so you go ahead, I'll catch up.
RachelOk. (Runs off.)
PhoebeOk. (Starts running crazily with her arms flapping and her legs far apart) Come on! That's not running! Let's go! (Rachel pauses, then follows, embarrassed.) Central Perk. Rachel, Ross and Monica are there. RachelYou guys, I'm telling you, when she runs, she looks like a cross between Kermit the Frog and The Six Million Dollar Man.
RossMonica had such a crush on him. Yeah, she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed.
RachelOh! I used to do that too!
MonicaDid you also have his album, It's Not Easy Being Green?
RachelAw, Mon...(Kisses her on the cheek) (Monica had a crush on Kermit, Rachel used to kiss The Six Million Dollar Man's poster.)
MonicaSo, Phoebe runs weird huh?
RachelYeah, yeah and you know what, and-and I know she's gonna wanna run again, I just, I don't know how to get out of it, I mean, I live with her.
MonicaWhy don't you just be straight with her? Tell her the truth.
RossYeah.
RachelYou're right, you're right. I should just tell her the truth.
[Phoebe enters]
PhoebeHey!
RossHey!
RachelHey, Pheebs, Monica tripped me, I don't think I can ever run again, ever!
PhoebeBut we were having so much fun. All those cute guys were checking us out.
RachelI know. They were definitely staring.
PhoebeWhy? Why would you do that?
MonicaI don't know. Rachel I'm-I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles.
RachelAnkle.
MonicaWe'll see. Monica and Chandler's new apartment, Chandler is putting something away under the sink. ChandlerOK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. (Turns around and sees that Joey isn't there.) Joe? (Hears giggling coming from a box) Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack. (Hears the giggling again)
Joey(jumps out of the box) I gotcha!!
Chandler(pretending) Oh my God! You almost gave me a heart attack.
JoeyBoy, it was so hard not to laugh, I tell ya. Hey, hey, the place looks great!
ChandlerYeah, not bad, right? You know what, Monica's gonna be working late, so I'm gonna make this place spotless. You know what else I'm gonna do, you know what else I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm gonna get her some flowers. Now who would not wanna live with me?
Joey(raises his hand) I don't! No, I wanna live with the super-hot Australian dancer.
ChandlerOk, now how's that going though? Are you ok with the not-flirting thing?
JoeyUh-yeah. Well, so far, yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this, this built up flirting energy and-and I don't know how to get rid of it. (Gives Chandler the "Joey love" look.) How you doing?
Chandler(opens the door) Get out! (Joey leaves.) Joey and Janine's new apartment, Janine is there. Joey walks in to see Janine bent over, stretching. Joey(voice cracking) Ohhhh man.
JanineSorry, there's just more room out here.
JoeyNo-no-no-no-no, it's-it's uh, you just uh, uh reminded me that uh, I have to do my stretches too. (Starts to stretch, groans painfully)
Janine(touches his waist) You know, why don't you try to do-
Joey(jumps up and yells)
JanineWhat's wrong?
JoeyUh-uh nothing. I just, I-I-I didn't want you to touch me because I'm-I'm all sweaty from the workout. I better hit the shower. (Goes into the bathroom and comes back out quickly) Oh my God!
JanineOh, sorry about that stuff hanging in there. It's just my thongs are too delicate for the dryer.
(Joey laughs nervously and goes to his bedroom.) The Park, Rachel is running and Phoebe is hiding behind a tree. Phoebe(jumps in front of Rachel) Hi! Oh yeah, uh-huh, it's me. I saw you grab your running shoes this morning and sneak out. You lied so you could run by yourself.
RachelNo, no, Phoebe, no, I was... no. You know what, I was, I was actually just checking, to see, if I could run. And I can!
PhoebePlease Rachel, I am not an idiot. (Runs off)
RachelNo, wait, Phoebe. Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is there. Everything is out of its place and Chandler's cleaning. Ross(enters) Wow, couples who live together do start to look alike.
ChandlerLook, I am working right now, ok? So say what you have to say and leave me alone!
RossHuh, sound alike too. So, Mondler... uh, what uh, what'cha doing?
ChandlerWhat does it look like? I am cleaning!
RossDid you get Monica's authorization to move all of her stuff?
ChandlerAuthorization? I don't need that. I'm gonna put everything back.
RossPut it back exactly where you found it?
ChandlerYes I'm gonna put it back (Mocking Ross) exactly where I found it.
RossOk, first of all, this attitude is not helping.
ChandlerShe's not gonna care if I put her stuff back in the same stupid place.
RossWhoa, hello, did you just meet Monica?
ChandlerShe is gonna recognize that I did a nice thing and-and, appreciate it.
RossHmm. No, actually this'll work out well. Because when you have to move back in with Joey, Joey's hot new roommate can come and live with me.
ChandlerI see, I see, y-y-you're trying to freak me out.
RossLook, Chandler, Monica i-i-is really weird about this kind of stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak...out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you. That probably won't hurt as much anymore.
ChandlerNo, she's not, ok? You know, I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna call her right now. (Picks up the phone and wipes it off) Phone's done ehh.
Monica(on phone) Hi!
ChandlerHey Mon, how's it going?
MonicaTerrible. I'll tell you If-if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Other people just wreck stuff. I really think I might kill someone tonight.
ChandlerOh come on, come on, it can't be that bad.
MonicaUgh, it's worse. The only thing that's getting me through is knowing that I'm gonna be seeing you soon. I think I might even try to get out of here early.
ChandlerNo! No-no-no-no-no-no. Sounds like uh, they really need you down there.
MonicaWell, you're just hanging out with Ross?
ChandlerIt's all good! Ok bye-bye Mon! (To Ross) She's gonna kill me.
RossYeah, the phone was facing the other way. (Chandler fixes it and a picture frame off the table.) And that goes back up there.
ChandlerOk, this is good, this is under control. You know what we should do? We should start with the big stuff. You know? That'll be easier. So, uh, let's start with the couch. (He picks up one end and Ross doesn't help) I got it. (He moves it back to where he thinks it goes.)
RossYeah that-that, doesn't look right.
ChandlerWhat're you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the...(Tries to rest his feet on the coffee table but they won't reach) OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.
RossOh-wait-wait, but then the back of the couch won't line up with the back of the carpet.
ChandlerOK, well here, we'll just, we'll move the coffee table, closer to the couch.
RossWhoa, Whoa, Whoa, but then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area.
ChandlerYes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!
Joey(entering) Hi! Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm-I'm-I'm drawing her to me like-like, like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table... they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell is going on over here?! (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look, I need your help, ok? I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
RossHey, I've been married 3 times
(Chandler gives him a round of mock applause.)
JoeyNo-no-no-n-no, I've seen it happen, you, you, you get a rapport going with a woman but somehow you manage to kill it. (hits his other hand after each 'time') Time after time after time after time. What's your secret?
RossLook, we do not repel women, OK? That is completely untrue.
ChandlerOh you know, yes we do, my man. Remember when we were back in college and we went to that spring dance and you walked right up to that girl you liked and you could not stop talking about the Irish potato famine?
RossYeah, well what about you? You weren't so, you know, hot in college either. After everything he said, he'd go "ba dum bum chessh".
ChandlerYeah, Monica doesn't like that either, Maybe I should stop doing that.
RossOh you know what, girls don't like it when-when I start talking about science.
ChandlerThat's not specific to girls.
JoeyThis is great, this is great, what else, what else?
RossUh, oh, they don't like it when you correct their grammar.
ChandlerAnd they don't like it when you explain why your jokes are funny.
RossYou know, they don't like it when you keep asking them if they like you.
ChandlerMan, I'm so lucky I have Monica.
Ross(nonchalantly) I'm never gonna find love again. Phoebe and Rachel's, Rachel is there as Phoebe enters. RachelHey Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
PhoebeSure.
RachelOk, um, I... (Phoebe walks into her room.) All right, Phoebe look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. OK? I handled the situation horribly and-and I should not have lied to you.
PhoebeSo, what should you have done?
RachelWell, I-I should've told you the truth.
PhoebeUh-Huh, Which is...?
RachelWell, you know, the reason that I didn't wanna go running with you is, because um, well you know the way that you run is just a little...(Starts flapping her arms)
PhoebeSo?
RachelWell, it's embarrassing. People were looking at us like we were crazy.
PhoebeWhy do you care?
RachelBecause they're people.
PhoebeBut people that you don't know and will never see again.
RachelYes, but still. They're people... with eyes.
PhoebeWell, I didn't get embarrassed running next to Miss (panting). But oh, ok. No-no, I can see why running with me would be embarrassing to you. Yeah, ok. You're uptight.
RachelWh-? I, I am not uptight-hey-hey-hey-oh-oh! Listen, (softly) I am not uptight, man.
PhoebeThat's ok, Rachel. I'm not judging you; that's just who you are. Me, I'm more free. You know? I run like I did when I was a kid, because that's the only way it's fun. You know? I mean didn't you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? You know, like when you were, like running towards the swings, or running away from Satan? (Rachel looks confused) The neighbor's dog. Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation. ChandlerOk, is this lamp in the right place?
RossWho cares? I repel women.
[Monica tries to come in]
Chandler(blocks the door) No-no-no, no-no-no! You can't come in here! Ro-ro-Ross is naked.
MonicaWhat?!
Ross(whispers) What?!
Chandler(to Ross) I couldn't say that I was naked because she's allowed too see me naked.
RossWhy does anyone have to be naked?
MonicaWhy is Ross naked?
RossI-I had to show Chandler something.
MonicaNaked?
RossYeah-yeah I uh, I guess I have a uh, a guy problem.
MonicaIs it the same thing that Chandler had?
ChandlerLook, uh, just-just come back later, we'll get everything squared away and you can come back later.
MonicaOk. Hey listen, there's still some of Chandler's medicine left under the sink in the bathroom. Bye!
ChandlerBye! Thank God
RossDude, what'd you have?
ChandlerLook, we have no time, ok? We must focus. We gotta get everything back into its original place.
Ross(realizes something) The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures.
ChandlerThat's perfect! That's brilliant! (Starts going through the photo album)
RossSo really, what'd you have? Joey and Janine's, Janine's there. Joey enters. JanineHey Joey, I got some beer for you.
JoeyUh, don't-don't you mean "for whom?"
JanineSure. Listen, I was gonna order some pizza, you wanna share one?
JoeyPizza, heh, sound like I never had that before...ba dum bum cheshhh.
JanineIs there something wrong?
JoeyYeah. I'm depressed about that Irish potato famine.
JanineNo, I mean with me. Because you seem to be acting really weird around me.
JoeyAll right, All right, let- let's just get this out in the open, ok? You're hot. I'm lovable. Clearly there's a vibe going on between us. But, we're roommates and it's a huge mistake for us to continue down this road.
JanineJoey...
JoeyNo-no-no, I'm telling you. Imagine yourself living in a supermarket and you will understand. Ok? So, the question is, what'd we do?
JanineWell, I don't think there is anything to do. I mean I think you're really sweet, but I'm just not interested in you like that.
JoeyOh!
JanineNo! I mean, you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just, you know, I just, don't feel that way about you.
JoeyOh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.
JanineI don't think so.
JoeyOh, I do. (Gives her the Joey-love look.) How you doing?
JanineI'm OK.
JoeyWhat?!
JanineWhat?
JoeyOh, dear God! The park, Rachel's running by herself and panting. After a little while she decides to run like Phoebe. Rachel(Runs into Phoebe.) Hey!
PhoebeHey!
RachelOh honey, I'm so sorry, you were right, this feels great!
PhoebeSee? And you don't care if people are staring, it's just for a second 'cause then you're gone!
RachelGone! I mean its amazing Pheebs. I feel so free and so graceful. (Turns and bumps into a mounted policeman and falls) Huh! Hey! Look out for the horse! (Runs off.) Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Ross are there. Monica enters. MonicaIs it ok for me to come in now?
ChandlerUh-huh.
MonicaWhy is everything different?
RossBye! (Runs out)
ChandlerWell, I don't-I don't see anything different other than the fact that the room got so much brighter when you came into it. (Forced laughter)
MonicaWell, the end table is wrong, Um the couch looks bizarre and don't even get me started on the refrigerator magnets.
ChandlerOk look, don't... don't be mad, ok? But after I unpacked the boxes I wanted to do something nice, for you, so, I-I-I cleaned the apartment. So, I moved everything around and then I forgot where it, where it went back. I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
MonicaIt's ok. Chandler, are you afraid of me or something?
ChandlerDo you want me to be afraid of you?
MonicaOf course not. I mean gosh, Chandler what you did, it's, it's a wonderful thing and I really appreciate it. I know I have this weird thing where I want everything to be in the perfect place, but, I would never expect you to worry about that.
ChandlerReally?
MonicaOf course!
ChandlerOh, you're the best. You come here to me.
MonicaAll right, hold on, ok? First things first. (Gets her cleaning gloves on) Ok, now, did Ross sit anywhere while he was naked? Central Perk, Ross, Janine and Chandler are there. RossSo it said that by the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same number of functions as an actual human brain. So, theoretically, you could download your thoughts and your memories into this computer...
Janine...and live forever as a machine!
RossUh so, Janine, you-you-you know what, you know what we're doing right now? You and I, we're-we're interfacing.
JanineYeah, I gotta go.
ChandlerBa dum bumb cheshhh!

Written by Sherry Bilsing-Graham & Ellen Plummer; Transcribed by Kiza Abuzahra; With Minor Adjustments by Eric Aasen; Added footage text by Matthew G; Annotated by ncp.