Central Perk. Everyone is there. Ross is standing behind the couch. Joey(ponders something) Hey, you guys ever wonder why they call it Thanks-giving? (Makes a 'Pfft' sound with his lips)
Ross(goes entirely off-topic) Ok. (goes to sit down next to Monica on the couch) Hey Monica you're-you're doing Thanksgiving next week right? 'Cause-uh Carol is taking Ben to her parents' place in Florida.
MonicaOk, ok. (real excited) I'll make Thanksgiving dinner! You don't have to beg.
RossI-I didn't beg. I-I just asked once.
Monica(disappointed) You could beg, you know.
Rachel(real excited) Monica said I could make dessert this year!
JoeyUh- you're gonna... cook something?
RachelHey, I cook!
ChandlerOffering people gum is not cooking.
PhoebeAre you sure Monica said you could make something this year? 'Cause I remember her saying in two years. (to Monica) You said in two years right?
Monica(a little hesitant now) No... I... I promised her. But uh, Rach... are you sure you'd wanna start out with something as big as Thanksgiving dinner? I mean maybe... you wanna try a little, Thanksgiving breakfast? maybe Thanksgiving snack?
RachelWh-? Come on, you guys, I can do this. Remember I made those peanut butter cookies?
(Everybody acts less than enthused)
RachelI don't know what you guys are so worried about. Cooking is easy. You just follow the recipe. If it says boil two cups of salt, you just boil two cups of salt. Monica and Chandler's, Monica is mixing some Thanksgiving treat (I'm assuming mashed potatoes) in a bowl. Monica(on phone) Ok, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess who's coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
ChandlerSidney Poitier? (Laughs).
[Chandler throws his coat on the couch]
Monica(not amused by Chandler's joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
ChandlerOh! That's great, they haven't seen the place since I moved in!
[Monica goes to fiddle with something on the table.]
MonicaYeah, and you know, if you could not mention to them that we live together, that would be great! (Quickly trying to change subjects), I was thinking we would eat around four.
[Monica goes to the stove.]
Chandler(shocked at the news) Why can't I tell them that we live together?
MonicaBecause they don't know we're dating. (Again, trying to quickly change subjects.) Do you think we should eat in the kitchen? (Goes to the sink and the stove to cook.)
ChandlerWhy haven't you told them?!
MonicaUm, well, I was going to, I-I-I really was. But um, then somewhere, just out of nowhere, I didn't.
ChandlerWhy haven't you told them?! Wouldn't they be happy?!
Monica(trying to change subjects, excitedly) So! Dinner in the kitchen around four! I'll see you then. (Pats Chandler on the shoulder and goes into the living room.)
ChandlerWhy wouldn't they be happy?
MonicaWell, um, because, mainly, um, they don't like you. I'm sorry.
ChandlerWhat? Why? Why?!
MonicaMaybe because you used to be aloof, or that you're really sarcastic, or that, you know, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and you throw them on the couch.
ChandlerIs this why they don't like me or why you don't like me?
MonicaLook, I know that I should've told them. I know I shouldn't care what they think. I'm sorry.
ChandlerYou know, it'll be ok. It'll be ok. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then we'll tell them.
MonicaYou really think that'll work?
ChandlerHey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won you over, didn't I?
Monica(hugging Chandler) I don't think you'll ever get my parents that drunk! Joey and Janine's, Joey and Ross are playing Sony Playstation. Chandler enters. ChandlerHey! (Sees Ross is there) Oh, good, Ross! Your parents like me, right?
[Chandler goes to stand to the side of the TV.]
Ross(only half-paying attention) Yes, of course they like you!
ChandlerWell Monica just told me that they don't.
Ross(not paying attention) Yeah, they don't like you.
Chandler(annoyed) Do you know why?
RossI dunno, maybe it's because you're really sarcastic. Or-or, I dunno, maybe it's 'cause you're-
Chandler(angry) Well if people don't know they shouldn't just guess!
[Joey and Ross get annoyed with Chandler's outburst.]
ChandlerThis is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.
JoeyMaybe I give thanks for you shutting up, eh?
ChandlerMaybe I give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment.
JoeyWell maybe I love ya.
Chandler[mocks that last comment].
[Chandler starts to leave as Janine enters]
Janine [to Chandler]Hi.
ChandlerHi.
[Chandler exits]
JanineHey guys!
[Joey and Ross drop their video game controllers.]
Ross(trying to act manly in front of Janine) No I don't wanna play video games, Joe!
JanineAre you guys going to Chandler's for Thanksgiving?
JoeyYeah! Yeah, why? What's up?
JanineWell, me and my dancer friends are thinking of doing Thanksgiving uptown. I thought you guys might like to come.
RossFor real?
JanineNo, but you should go to Chandler's. Because none of us knows how to cook, we'll probably just end up drinking all day.
JoeyYe-ye, we go to yours, yeah!
RossYeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, 'cause it's my sister. But, uh, you know, actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
Janine(not sure of what to make of that) Ok.
[Janine leaves]
[Ross looks at Joey coyly.]
JoeyHow you got three women to marry you, I'll never know. Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching TV; Monica is setting the table, and Rachel is in the kitchen cooking. RachelHey Mon, look! I'm melting butter. (all proud of herself)
MonicaThat's great Rach. You now have the cooking skills of a hot day. (Rachel doesn't know what to make of that comment.)
(Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.)
PhoebeHey!
AllHey!
RachelHey! Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English trifle!
PhoebeWow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, you know, 'cause Rachel's dessert is... [about to say "bad"] so good, that I eat all of it. There's none left for anybody else!
[Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel laugh]
MonicaNothing.
Rachel(worried) Nothing?
MonicaNo, sweetie, I-I trust you.
RachelSo, if-if I mess this up, there's nothing else for dessert?
MonicaYou're not gonna mess it up.
RachelWow, Monica, I love that, you really have faith in me. Thank you. Technical question, how do you know when uh, the butter's done?
MonicaWell, it's done about two minutes before it looks like that.
[Joey and Ross enter.]
Joey and RossHey!
AllHey!
JoeyOhh, look food smells great, Mon!
RossYeah, and the place looks so nice!
JoeyYeah, and hey hey, Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
RossHappy Thanksgiving!
The GirlsHappy Thanksgiving!
JoeyWell, this's been great!
RossSee you!
[Joey and Ross go to the door, ready to leave.]
MonicaWhoa whoa whoa! Where're you going?
RossOh, oh, we did say we'd stop by this little thing Joey's roommate is having.
MonicaOh, Janine, the really hot dancer girl?
RossSome would say she's attractive, yes.
PhoebeAnd who else is going to be there?
JoeyUh, some of her friends, yeah.
RachelHer dancer friends?
Joey(frustrated) Yes, all right? All of her hot dancer friends are gonna be there and they, be drinking and dancing, and we really wanna go!
Ross(to Joey) Dude, we were good!
MonicaYou're not gonna go anywhere, you said you were gonna eat here, and you're gonna eat here!
PhoebeYeah, and-and leaving us to go see hot dancer girls is not very Thanksgivingy.
RossOh, but-but it is, uh, it's just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner.
JoeyYeah, yeah, and then the Indians taught the Pilgrims what it meant to be hot in the new world!
Chandler(gets up from watching TV) Fellas, I really think you should stay here.
RossYou're just jealous 'cause you can't go.
(Monica turns her head to look at Chandler.)
Chandler(Nods his head) That is so not true. (As soon as Monica turns her head back around, he mouths "Yeah I am" to Joey and Ross)
[Enter Jack and Judy Geller]
Mrs. GellerHello, everybody!
Mr. GellerHi!
AllHi!
[Kisses and hugs are exchanged.]
MonicaDad [kisses Jack], mom [kisses Judy]. Look! Look who it is, it's Chandler!
Mrs. Geller(less than pleased) Oh yes of course, hello Chandler.
ChandlerMr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you here, let us take off your coats!
[Chandler goes to take off Jack's coat. He then notices little white flakes on Jack's shoulders. He begins to wipe them off.]
ChandlerWhoa, snowing out there?
Mr. Geller(angry) No.
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
Mr. GellerMonica, all this food looks wonderful, you should think about doing this for a living.
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Mr. GellerOk, I have dandruff. There's no need to laugh and point.
[Monica rushes over to Chandler's side.]
Monicadad, uh, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Mr. GellerMy joke wasn't funny.
MonicaWell Chandler laughs at everything. That's-that's one of the great things about him.
ChandlerWhoa. (points towards Monica because of what she just said and laughs)
[Phoebe walks from the living room to the kitchen and talks quietly to Rachel.]
PhoebeRach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night.
RachelReally?!
PhoebeYeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And it's making me look at him totally differently. You know, I mean he used to be just, you know "Jack Geller, Monica and Ross's dad" and now he's-he's "Jack Geller, dream hunk."
[We see a shot of Jack stuffing his face with food. Some dream hunk!]
RachelI don't know. You know to me he'll always be "Jack Geller, walks in while you're changing."
[Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.]
MonicaYou know dad, Chandler is one of Ross's very best friends!
Mr. Geller(deadpan) Yes, I know.
ChandlerYeah, Ross sure is a great guy, you know I've always felt that how a young man turns out is a reflection, on his father.
Mr. GellerI always thought that too. Tell me, what 's your father do?
[Chandler and Monica exchange worried looks.]
Chandler(Worried) He's the headliner of a, gay burlesque show.
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English trifle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janine's party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
JoeyRach, you're killing us here, will ya serve the dessert already? Those drunken dancers are waiting!
Rachel(looking at her trifle) Look at it, isn't it beautiful?
RossYeah, yeah, what is it?
RachelIt's a trifle. It's got all of these layers. First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which, I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sautéd with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like something's wrong.] then a little bit more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
[Joey and Ross make confused faces.]
RossWh-what was the one right before bananas?
RachelThe beef? Yeah, that was weird to me too. But then, you know, I-I thought "well, there's mincemeat pie," I mean that's an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, you know? [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?
JoeyDid-y- sure, you know.
RachelOk. (teasingly) And while I'm gone don't you boys sneak a taste.
Joey and Ross(faking dissapointment) Ok.
[Rachel leaves]
RossBeef in a dessert?! I- no no no, there is no way!
[Ross goes to look in the magazine Rachel got her recipe from.]
JoeyI know, and only one layer of jam?! What is up with that?
[Ross looks up as if saying that Joey was weird. He begins flipping through the pages, only to find that they are sticky. So one page is overlapping another, making two recipes look like one.]
RossOh my God, the pages are stuck together!
Joey(turning to Chandler in a scolding tone) Chandler!
RossOh my God, she-she made half an English Trifle, and half a...Sheperd's Pie!
Joey(sad) Oh man! Now she's just gonna start all over! We're never gonna get to introduce the hot girls to the new world!
RossNo, no, we will. We just won't tell her she messed up.
JoeyJust let her serve the beef-custard thing?
RossYeah, it'll be like a funny Thanksgiving story!
Joey(shrugging his shoulders to go along with it) Like vomiting stories are funny again...
[Rachel enters]
RachelJoey, God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees!
JoeyDid-did it make you wanna walk around in your underwear?
RachelNo!
Joey(frustrated) Still not hot enough!
[Joey leaves]
[Phoebe walks over to talk to Rachel.]
PhoebeRachel?
RachelYeah?
PhoebeOk, look at him. Look at those strong hands. Oh what I wouldn't give to be that can of (looks closer to see what Jack is drinking) condensed milk.
[We see a shot of Jack drinking condensed milk on the couch.]
[Ross and Judy enter the living room. Judy and Ross sit down on the couch beside Jack. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the coffee table.]
MonicaMom, uh, Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is.
Mrs. GellerOh, thank you Chandler! I just bought it.
ChandlerOh, yes. Well it's very beautiful. I mean it's cream-colored and tight [Realizes what he just said and looks worried. Monica and Ross also looked shocked. Judy and Jack give Chandler a very dirty look.] I don't mean tight, I mean it's not too tight, not that I was looking at- [giving up all hope, he puts his head into his hands.]
Mr. GellerWhat's the matter with him?
Mrs. Geller(whispers to Jack a little loudly) I think he's stoned again.
Chandler(shocked) What?
Monica(shocked) What?
Ross(worried) Dude, I need to talk to you a sec.
[Ross and Chandler get up and go into Rachel's old room.] Rachel's old room. It's pretty much empty except for a few boxes against the walls. Ross and Chandler enter. RossOk, I think I might know why my parents don't like you.
ChandlerYou do? Why?
RossOk, remember, we were young. Ok, Spring break, sophomore year, I-I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
ChandlerWhat?! Why did you do that?
RossI don't know, aheh, yours-yours was the first name that-that popped into my head, I'm I'm sorry. I-I didn't think it'd matter.
ChandlerHow could it not matter?!
RossHow was I supposed to know we'd end up being friends after college, let alone you-you would be living with my sister?
ChandlerWhat about all that "friends forever" stuff?
RossI don't know, I-I was all high.
(Monica enters the room.)
MonicaMom and dad just sent me in here to find out if you (points to Chandler) were trying to get Ross stoned!
ChandlerYour parents caught Ross smoking pot in college and he blamed it on me!
MonicaRoss, I can't believe you'd do that!
ChandlerThe reason we haven't told them we're together is because they hate me, ok? So, will you fix this?
RossOk, ok, I'll tell them it wasn't Chandler who got high. Now who should I say it was?
MonicaYou! It's not like it's a big deal! You-you don't still do it or anything!
RossAlright, alright, now-now who should I say tricked me into doing it?
MonicaNobody! You're gonna go out there (points) and tell them exactly what happened.
RossReally?
Chandler(upset) Yes! (Ross starts to leave) Ok, good. Oh wait, is there anything else I should know?
Ross(stops) No...Oh..yeah, um, (laughs a little) you microwaved a bunch of my dad's records. (laughs again)
Chandler(mocks Ross' laugh) Why?
Ross(nervously) Evidently, you-you weren't very good at handling your high. (finally leaves as Monica and Chandler stand there with disbelief) Monica and Chandler's, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachel's trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen. Monicadad, please don't pick your teeth out here! Alright, and if you're gonna put your feet up, why don't you sit on the-
PhoebeMonica, leave him alone!
[Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
Joey(to Rachel) Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me before when I told you that all of Janine's friends are dancers?! Huh? And that they're gonna be drinking a lot!?
Rachel(sarcastically) No, I did, but tell me again, 'cause it's so romantic.
JoeyYou're whipping so slow! Can't you do it any faster?
RachelJoey! Come on! I don't wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up, everybody's gonna be like "Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?" Ok?
[Joey gives her an understanding look.]
RachelSo why don't you just let me worry about making the trifle and you just worry about eating it, alright?
JoeyOh I am!
[Chandler and Monica are by the window pressuring Ross to tell his parents the truth.]
MonicaRoss, if you don't tell them, then I will!
RossOk, fine!
[Ross gets up to go tell his parents.]
[Joey rushes over.]
JoeyRoss! Can I talk to you for a second?
RossOh, uh, can it wait a second Joey? I have to tell my parents something. No it can't? Ok.
[Monica and Chandler make "What was that?" gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachel's old room.] Rachel's old room, Ross and Joey enter. JoeyOk, look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.
RossWhat?! What is with everybody? It's Thanksgiving, not...Truth-Day!
JoeyLook, when everyone eats that... that... banana-meat thing, they're all gonna make fun of her, you want that?
RossOk, ok, we'll just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way no one makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potato Pie! (Referring to the dancers.)
Joey(scolding) Dude, they're not objects.
[Ross makes a sorry face.]
JoeyJust kidding, I'll talk to them, you distract Rach.
[Joey and Ross go back out into the main area.]
RossHey Rach, can I talk to you outside for a sec?
RachelOk...
[The hallway. Rachel and Ross go out and they just stand there for a few seconds.]
RachelWhat's up?, Ross?
RossSo, um... Thanksgiving. The holiday season is upon us, hm?
RachelYeah!
RossAnd um...You look nice today.
RachelOh no. No Ross, don't do this.
RossWhat?
RachelI just- I don't think us getting back together is a good idea.
Ross(shocked) Eh?
RachelI thought this might happen today. Ross, I know, a holidays can be rough. You know? And it's probably really hard for you, to be alone right now.
Ross(cutting her off) You're alone.
RachelNo, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean you're [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-it's just not the time for us. I'm sorry.
Ross(just trying to get out of the conversation) Ah well, can't blame a guy for trying!
[Inside Monica and Chandler's. Joey is almost done explaining the situation to everyone.]
JoeyOh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish words to indicate to Ross that he's not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Ok, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying "mmm" and uh, oh oh! Smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), ok?
ChandlerYeah, I'm not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore.
[Ross and Rachel re-enter.]
JoeyRachel, there you are! Come on, let's serve that dessert already!
RachelJoey, you're gonna have to stop rushing me, you know what? You don't get any dessert.
Joey(happily) Really?
RachelNo, I'm just kidding I would never do that to you! Ok, everybody, it's trifle time!
PhoebeSo, now, Rach, this is a traditional English trifle, isn't it?
RachelIt sure is.
PhoebeWow. So then did you make it with beef or eggplant?
RachelBeef.
PhoebeI can't have any. You know I don't eat meat. (Faking dissapointment.) Ohh no.
[Phoebe gets up and goes into Rachel's old room, a smile on her face.]
RachelAlright, Monica, I want you to have the first taste.
MonicaReally?
[Rachel hands Monica a plate. Monica takes a spoonful of the whipped cream portion.]
RachelOh oh oh, wait! You only got whipped cream in there! You gotta take a bite with all the layers!
MonicaOk. [Takes a bigger spoonful and a pea falls off.] Op!
RachelYou wait, you dropped a pea.
[Monica puts the pea on top of the spoonful and takes a bite.]
RachelWell?
Monica(faking joy. Rubbing her stomach and smiling at the same time, like Joey said) Mmmm! It's good!
RachelReally? How good?
MonicaIt's so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one who's eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.
[Ross glares at Monica.]
[Everyone takes a bite of their trifle.]
All(faking enjoyment) Mmm.
Chandler(clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that I'm gonna go enjoy it on the balcony, so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
[Chandler exits to the balcony.]
Mrs. Geller(lying) I've gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monica's room.
Mr. Geller(also lying) I'll help you dial.
[Jack and Judy exit to Monica's room.]
Monica(again, lying) I'm gonna go into the bathroom so I can look at it in the mirror, as I eat it.
[Monica exits to the bathroom.]
RachelOk, now what was that all about? Is it-does it not taste good? Let me try it.
[Rachel reaches for Ross's plate]
RossWha? No no! Ah! (Ross scarfs all of his trifle down in about a second. He looks like he's going to throw up.) (Lying) All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left.
[Rachel leaves to the balcony.]
RossIt tastes like feet!
JoeyI like it.
RossAre you kidding?
JoeyWhat's not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood.
[Rachel and Chandler re-emerge from the balcony.]
RachelSo, a bird just grabbed it, and then, and then tried to fly away with it and, and then just dropped it on the street?
[Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldn't believe it either" gesture.]
Chandler(lying) Yes, but if it's any consolation, before the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy it.
[Phoebe comes back from Rachel's old room.]
PhoebeRachel, come here. (Rachel walks over to Phoebe. Chandler sits down on the lounge chair.) Ok, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap, and I had another dream about Jack.
RachelOh, Phoebe, do I wanna hear this?
PhoebeI don't know, let's see! So, ok, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, because he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so ok, I went to a nightclub, and I saw him making out with a girl.
Rachel(humoring Phoebe) Oh my God, he dream-cheated on you!
PhoebeYeah, but then Jacques Cousteau came and he kicked his ass for betraying me! It was soo cool! Then, he took me diving and he introduced me to his pet seahorse, who, by the way, was totally coming on to me, and please, that is not gonna happen.
[Jack and Judy come out of Monica's room and sit down on the couch.]
Mr. GellerBoy, I'm glad I wore the big belt today.
PhoebeFive minutes ago, a line like that would've floored me. Now, nothing. Well, not nothing, I am still a woman.
[Rachel and Phoebe walk into the kitchen. Monica comes out of the bathroom and goes over to Ross.]
MonicaRoss? Let's go.
RossOh, yeah, about telling mom and dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter.
MonicaAlright, you know what? That's it. You've had your chance.
RossWha-what?
Monica(out loud, to her parents) Mom! dad! Ross smoked pot in college!
Mr. and Mrs. GellerWhat?!
Ross(in a 5 year old's tone) (To Monica) You are such a tattletale! Mom, dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
Mr. and Mrs. GellerYes. (They look at Chandler angrily.)
RossWell I told you it was Chandler, who was smoking the pot but, it was me. I'm sorry.
Mrs. GellerIt was you?
MonicaYeah and dad, Chandler didn't melt your records. Ross did!
Mr. Geller(to Ross) Is that true?
MonicaAnd dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys! Ross did!
[The Gellers stare at Ross. Ross looks at his parents with an afraid, shocked look.]
RossYeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did!
[The Gellers glare at Monica.]
[Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking at the Geller siblings like they're weirdos.]
MonicaRoss hasn't worked at the museum for a year!
[The Gellers glare at Ross.]
RossMonica and Chandler are living together!
[The Gellers glare at Monica, shocked]
[Monica and Chandler both are shocked. Ross gives Monica a "take that!" look.]
MonicaRoss married Rachel in Vegas! And got divorced! Again!
[The Gellers glare at Ross.]
Phoebe(joining in) I love Jacques Cousteau!
Rachel(reading the recipe magazine, finally figuring out that...) I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!
Joey(pounding the table) I wanna gooooooo!
Mrs. Geller(rubbing her temples) That's a lot of information to get in in thirty seconds! Alright, Joey, if you wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. (Phoebe makes a sad face.) Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me.
Mr. GellerAnd we kinda of figured about the porch swing.
Mrs. GellerRoss, drugs? Divorced? Again?
Mr. GellerWhat happened, son?
RossI-I uh, I got tricked into all those things!
Mrs. GellerChandler! You've been Ross's best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.
[Chandler is mega shocked!]
ChandlerThank you!
Mr. GellerNo! Thank you! (Hugs Chandler) Monica, and Ross! I don't know what I'm gonna do about the two of you!
Chandler(In a parent-like tone) I'll talk to them! Monica and Chandler's, Everyone is helping clean the table. RachelYou guys! It was bananas, cream, and beef! I-I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldn't feel bad!
MonicaWell actually, I-I didn't eat mine. It's still in the bathroom.
JoeyNo it isn't, I ate that.
Mrs. Geller(pointing to herself and Jack) Well we left ours in Monica's bedroom.
JoeyNope, got it, and I got yours (Pointing to Jack) too.
RachelSo Chandler, are you gonna stick with that bird story?
ChandlerIt was a big bird, swooped (motions) right in there. (Rachel smiles)
(Janine enters)
JanineHi.
JoeyOh no!
RossOh, Janine! Oh, it's not over, is it?
JanineYeah, we all got depressed. You know, the holidays and everything and we're alone.
Rachel(comes over) Yeah, well, at least you have Joey. But Ross is, really alone.
MonicaWell you're always welcome here. This is my mom and my dad (points to each of them as she introduces them). This is Janine. (points to Janine)
JanineHi, nice to meet you. (to Mr. Geller) I think we've already met.
Mrs. Geller(shocked) Really?
Janine(to Mr. Geller) I live across the hall. You walked in on me when I was changing.
(Rachel, Monica, and Mrs. Geller look at Mr. Geller while Joey and Ross nod their approval of Mr. Geller)

Written by Greg Malins; Transcribed by Eric Aasen; Added footage text by Matthew G; Annotated by ncp.