Joey and now Rachel's apartment, Joey has the fridge pulled out away from the wall and is in the process of pulling off the cooling grate behind it. JoeyWell that thing is clearly in the way! All right. Ah-ha! (He grabs a screwdriver and starts to attack the compressor, only he causes a small short circuit and shocks himself.) Ah-ah! Damn fridge!
(Rachel enters from her new room.)
RachelHey Joey, how you doing?
JoeyGreat! Roomie!
RachelHuh, yeah I guess we are roommates now.
JoeyYeah! Well, now that you brought it up, uh, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot.
RachelI'm not paying for half of that! I'm only staying here until my apartment gets fixed.
JoeyLook, Rach, my parents bought this fridge just after I was born, ok? Now, I have never had a problem with it. Then you show up and it breaks! What does that tell ya?
RachelThat refrigerators don't live as long as people?
JoeyAll right, now, you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300 at a time, so, I'll take a check for the other hundred.
RachelYou're joking right?
JoeyOf course I'm joking! I don't take checks.
RachelThank God you're pretty. (Exits.) Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Rachel enters. RachelHey!
AllHi! Hey!
RachelDo you guys know any cute guys?
ChandlerWell, of course I do! My good friend Joey over here. (Pats Joey's arm, Joey pats Chandler's shoulder, and Chandler motions for Joey to say the same about him.)
JoeyOh, I'm sorry. Thank you Chandler.
RachelAnyway, uh, there's this big charity ball this weekend and Ralph Lauren bought a table, so I kinda have to go...
MonicaWhat's the charity?
RachelI don't know, something either trees or disease- Ralph mumbles a lot.
MonicaDoes Ralph mumble when you're not paying attention?
RachelYeah! It's weird. But the thing is I need to find a date.
PhoebeWell, what kind of guy are you looking for?
RachelWell, someone that has his own tux, or has the ability to rent a tux.
ChandlerSo he has to be a male who has at least $50.
JoeyOoh! So close.
(Ross and Elizabeth enter.)
RossHey everybody!
AllHi there!
RossHey uh, this is Elizabeth.
ElizabethOh hi!
AllHi!
ElizabethI'm the student.
Chandler(laughs) Isn't she cute? (On Monica's death stare) No!
PhoebeYou know, this is probably none of my business, but weren't you guys supposed to not be seen in public together?
ElizabethOh, we're not together.
RossOh no-no-no, we're just two people who happen to have run into each other here at the coffee house. (He winks at her.)
PhoebeOh, sly.
ElizabethWell, I really wanted to meet you guys, but I have to run. I'll see you later?
AllOk!
ElizabethBye Ross.
RossBye.
(They kiss.)
ElizabethOops! I did not mean to run into you like that sir.
RossOh that is quite all right ma'am. (Elizabeth exits.)
ChandlerSo, why is she leaving? Is it a school night and she has a lot of homework to do?
RossYes, her molecular epidemiologypaper is due tomorrow.
ChandlerOh, tell her good luck with that.
RossAnyone else? Huh? Bring them on!
RachelOh! When's her birthday?!
RossI don't know Rachel, why?
RachelWell, you know it's just been so long since I've been to Chuck e Cheese.
MonicaOh, I like Elizabeth.
RossWell thanks!
MonicaYeah. In fact, I like her so much that you tell her I want my cookies early this year! You know, a box of Thin Mints and some Tag-a-Longs.
JoeyHey-hey come on you guys, give him a break. Ross, seriously, how's it going with her?
RossWell, actually it's been great. She's 20 so she's not looking for anything too serious, which is perfect for me right now.
MonicaWell that is great. And seriously, she seems very nice.
RossThanks. I know you guys like to give me a hard time and all, but it really means a lot to me that you like her. Just knowing that you guys are...
Phoebe(interrupting) Ok, I got a good one. Ok, umm, what is she? Like 12? Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the table and Monica is doing something in the kitchen. MonicaChandler, do you think we talk about our relationship enough?
ChandlerYeah. Do we have any Fruit Roll-Ups?
Phoebe(entering) Hey!
MonicaHey!
PhoebeOk, I just thought of the perfect guy for Rachel to take to her thing.
ChandlerOh that's so funny because we found someone too.
PhoebeOh that's good, I guess she'll have a choice between my guy and your weirdo.
ChandlerWhy would our guy be a weirdo?
Phoebe'Cause that's just your taste.
Monica(laughs sarcastically) Rachel is not going to pick your stupid guy.
PhoebeOh yeah?
MonicaYeah!
PhoebeMy guy is a lawyer, who does volunteer work. And, he has one of these (She squeezes the skin on her chin together to form...)
ChandlerA face ass?
PhoebeA chin dimple!
MonicaWell, uh you know, our guy works with Chandler and he's really nice and smart and he's a great dresser!
PhoebeHave you seen your guy's body?
ChandlerNo, our guy is just a floating head.
PhoebeWell my guy is spectacular. Ok? He's a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
MonicaYou're not supposed to look!
PhoebeOh yeah, like there are police for that!
Chandler(horrified) Wait! You look? You-you massaged me.
PhoebeI know. (Laughs.)
MonicaAll right fine, your guy may have a great body, but our guy is really funny.
PhoebeOh, Chandler funny?
MonicaOur guy's a great dancer!
PhoebeMy guy is well read.
ChandlerOur guy has great hair.
PhoebeMy guy has great teeth!
ChandlerOur guy smells incredible.
Monica(To Chandler) Do you want our guy to be your guy? Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isn't doing all that well. ChandlerHey.
JoeyHuh.
ChandlerWell, you... you don't look good Joe.
JoeyThe fridge broke. So I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes- Hey, what was in that brown jar?
ChandlerThat's still in there?!
JoeyNot anymore. So anyway, how do you wanna pay me?
ChandlerIs this a service you're providing me?
JoeyNo! No! No! For my new fridge- For our new fridge!
ChandlerOur new fridge? I don't live here anymore.
JoeySo what? Look, ok, suppose we were a-uh divorced couple.
ChandlerUh-huh.
JoeyAnd I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kidm, dies and-and I gotta buy a new kid.
Chandler(not quite sure where Joey's going and is a little worried) Ok...
Joey(pause) Give me $400!
ChandlerThank God you're pretty! (walks off) Ross's office, he's unlocking his office door as Elizabeth walks up. ElizabethProfessor Geller?
RossHmm? (Turns around and sees that its Elizabeth) Oh, a student I don't know.
ElizabethI was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment?
RossYes, of course, what-what would this be regarding?
ElizabethMaking out in your office.
RossShh! (Laughs then composes himself) Of-of course, why don't we go inside?
(They go inside and Ross closes the door. When he turns around Elizabeth walks up to him, pushes him back against the door, and starts kissing him.)
RossOh-ooh!
ElizabethWhat?
RossDoorknob! Doorknob!
ElizabethOh! Sorry! Umm, I actually do need to talk to you.
RossOh, ok. What-what about?
ElizabethUh, spring vacation.
RossSpring vacation.
ElizabethYeah, we have time off and a lot of people are going on trips...
(Another professor barges in.)
Professor FeesenProfessor Geller!
Ross(quickly jumping away from Elizabeth) Yes, professor Feesen-sen-stenlger... I'll be with you in one moment. (To Elizabeth) So, I will take one box of the Thin Mints. (And he ushers Elizabeth out of the office.) Joey and Rachel's apartment, Ross, Chandler, and Joey are entering. RossYou don't understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip with her! Is that taking it slow?! Uh, I'm not ready for this! Ok? What-what do I tell her?
ChandlerJust tell her the truth! Tell her you're not ready.
RossI can do that. Oh-oh, what if she gets upset?
ChandlerThen you distract her with a Barbie doll.
JoeyOr! You can just, you know... (He walks up close to whisper in Ross's ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
RossWhat the hell are you doing?
JoeyWhat the hell am I doing? You just broke my fridge!
RossWhat?! What? How do you know, how do you know it's even broken?!
JoeyOh-ho-ho, you think I don't know what breaks my fridge? Excuse me! (He opens the door and feels inside.) Well what do you know! Broken! That'll be $400!
ChandlerJoey, I saw you push him!
Joey(pause) You pushed him?!
RossJoey, I did not break this! Ok? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That is being broken for a while.
JoeyAll right, Chandler, remember I told you about our fridge?
ChandlerUh-huh.
JoeyI still haven't gotten a check for your half yet.
RossDo not give him any money!
JoeyI'm not talking to you! You broke my fridge! Ross's office, he's opening the door to Elizabeth. ElizabethYou wanted to see me, Professor Geller?
RossYes. Yes! Please, come in.
(She does so, he closes the door, and she pushes him against the doorknob again.)
RossOo-oo!
ElizabethDoorknob?
RossYeah, it kinda grows on you. (They both laugh.) Actually, I wanted to finish talking to you about uh, spring vacation.
ElizabethOh, good.
RossLook, I... (He has trouble sitting in his chair.) Look, I'm having a great time with you, and I just don't want us to move too fast or, put too much pressure on us. So, I'm sorry I just don't think we should go away together yet. It's-it's too soon.
ElizabethUm, Ross, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to Florida for a couple weeks.
RossNo. I think you misunderstood what I was saying. What I meant was...
ElizabethYou are so adorable.
RossThat! Let's talk about that. Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters. RossHey!
ChandlerHey!
PhoebeHey!
MonicaHey! How did it go with Elizabeth?
RossHuh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didn't want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that she's going to Florida for spring vacation.
ChandlerWait a minute, she going for spring vacation or she going for spring break? (Does a little whooping party noise.)
RossWhat's-what's the difference?
MonicaWell, spring vacation you're doing nice things with your grandparents. Spring break you're doing frat guys.
RossHey, you know what? Not all spring breaks are like that.
PhoebeWhat did you do on yours?
RossI went to Egypt with my dad.
ChandlerI can see it now, "Look dad, it's the Sphinx!" (Does that party noise again.)
RossI think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, "Spring break!" (Imitates the party noise.) All right? I mean come on, she's taken my class!
MonicaAnd slept with the professor.
RossI wanna call her.
ChandlerYeah.
(Ross leaves to do so and Rachel enters with a guy.)
RachelHey! You guys umm, I want you to meet Sebastian.
SebastianHi.
RachelWe just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. (Chandler's shocked.) What? I read it.
SebastianCan I get you a cup of coffee?
RachelOh yes! Thank you! (He does so and Rachel sits down on the couch.)
PhoebeRachel, what the hell is this?!
Rachel(shocked) What?
PhoebeYou ask us to find you a guy and then you come traipsing in here with a guy of your own?!
RachelYou found me a guy?
MonicaYes! We found you a really cute and funny guy from Chandler's work!
PhoebeYeah and I-I found you one too, who is not a weirdo.
RachelWell, you know what though you guys? I really appreciate that but I think I'm just gonna take Sebastian to the charity.
ChandlerAre you sure?! Because our guy smells incredible!
MonicaUh, would you stop with it that already?!
(Sebastian returns with the coffee.)
SebastianHere you go. (Hands her, her cup.)
RachelOh, thank you.
SebastianSure.
PhoebeSo, Sebastian, do you do any volunteer work?
SebastianUh, no, not really. Why?
PhoebeNo reason, it's just I know a single guy who does care about other people.
ChandlerAre you funny?
Sebastian'Scuse me?
RachelWhat're you guys doing?
ChandlerAre you funny? Tell us a joke!
SebastianLook, I just wanted to have coffee with Rachel.
PhoebeYeah. Well, so do a lot of people.
SebastianActually, I uh, I gotta get going. (To Rachel) Give me a call sometime.
RachelOh, but you know, you didn't give me your phone number.
SebastianOk! See you later! (Exits.)
Chandler(To Monica) Turns out he is kinda funny.
RachelI cannot believe you guys! He was really nice and he just left because of you!
ChandlerYeah, but Sebastian? What is that? A cat's name?
PhoebeYeah, you know what I noticed Rachel? He scares easy. You know, Is that the kind of guy you wanna take to a ball? "Hey Sebastian, would you like to dance?" (Imitates him.) "Uhh, ok- I gotta go!"
MonicaAll right guys stop it. Rachel, we're very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And, you know what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.
PhoebeYeah! What've you got to lose? You know you might even end up with someone really special (whispers) if you pick my guy.
RachelAll right.
ChandlerOk, so you will meet our guys?
RachelYes, I'll meet 'em.
ChandlerOk now it doesn't matter which one you choose, you know? It's completely up to you. Our guy is perfect, or you can go out with the guy that Phoebe deemed not good enough to go out with herself.
Joey(entering) Phoebe! There you are! Ok, you broke my fridge; you owe me 400 bucks!
PhoebeOk, sure!
JoeyReally?!
PhoebeOoh, technically you owe me $600 for sending out happy thoughts on your last ten auditions.
JoeyCall it even?
PhoebeOk.
(Ross returns.)
Chandler(To Ross) Well there you are! So what did Elizabeth say?
RossWell, it turns out that she is going to Daytona for spring break woo-hoo. That means, that means wet T-shirt contests, guys doing shots off girl's bodies, waking up next to people you don't even know...
JoeyMan, she is gonna have a great time! Is-is she staying at the Hotel Corona?
ChandlerYou know the hotels?
JoeySure! I was there! Spring Break '81! Woo-hoo!
MonicaIn 1981 you were 13!
JoeySo what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And you know who knows how to party? Drunk college chicks.
RossOk, she can't go.
PhoebeRoss, you can't tell her not to go. You just started dating.
RossThen what am I supposed to do?
PhoebeNothing, you just have to be cool with it.
RossWell what if she goes down and-and sleeps with a bunch of guys?
ChandlerWell, maybe you don't marry this one.
(Rachel laughs and stops after Ross' glare.)
RachelI'm sorry, this is very serious. It is. And you know what, Ross? Here, you like her, she likes you, everything's gonna be fine.
RossYou're right. I'm probably just overreacting. So if she is staying at this party hotel on the beach with a huge pool and free drinks with every meal.
JoeyWell, if she's got enough money for that, she can certainly pay for the fridge she broke. Elizabeth's apartment, she is packing for her trip as Ross watches. RossI'm so glad you're going on this trip!
ElizabethYeah! I've been working so hard this semester. I really need to go crazy you know, blow off some steam.
RossSure. Sure. Look I don't, I don't know if your plans are finalized yet, but umm, hey I-I know another great way to blow off steam.
ElizabethWhat?
RossAre you into crafts at all?
ElizabethRoss, are you ok?
RossWell, yeah, of cour-of course I'm ok. What? I'm just being uh supportive. Supportive of you and this whole trip, and- (notices something) what-what is uh, what's this? (He holds up a rather skimpy bathing suit.)
ElizabethIt's a bathing suit?
RossTo wear in front of people?
ElizabethIs that supportive?
RossIs this?! Central Perk, Rachel is reading as Monica and Chandler enter. MonicaHey!
ChandlerGood-good-good-good.
MonicaHey!
ChandlerHey!
RachelHi!
MonicaWe're really glad you decided to meet our guy.
RachelOh...
MonicaYou're gonna like him so much. So umm, when do you wanna meet him?
RachelI don't know. I know that I don't work late tomorrow night.
ChandlerTomorrow night is good. Tomorrow night is good, but uh, you know what? Why put off something till tomorrow that you can do right now? (Laughs) Eldad come here! (He stands up from the next table.)
RachelWhat?
MonicaEldad, this is Rachel.
EldadHow are you?
RachelWell-well a little blindsided but you know good.
ChandlerEldad, sit down. (To Rachel) Move over! Move over now!
RachelI- Ohh! (Moves over and lets Eldad sit on the couch.)
ChandlerThere you go! There you are! (Rachel stares at Monica and Chandler)
MonicaOk! Ok! We can take a hint! (They start to leave but run into Phoebe with her guy in tow.) (To Phoebe) What're you doing here?!
PhoebeThis is Patrick. (Points to him.)
PatrickHi.
ChandlerHi. (To Phoebe) Ok, you're too late ok? Because she's already with our guy.
Phoebe(looks) Oh my God, you're right! I am too late; they're sitting on the couch and talking! (They go over to the couch.) Rachel?
RachelYeah?
PhoebeThis is Patrick.
RachelOh, hi.
PatrickHi.
PhoebeYeah, this is the guy I was telling you about.
RachelYeah.
PhoebeYeah. And believe me, this suit does not do justice to what's underneath it.
RachelOh-ok, but Pheebs?
PhoebeYeah?
RachelI'm just sort of in the middle of something.
PhoebeOh! Ok! Yeah, that's ok. (To Patrick) Have a seat. (Sits Patrick down next to Rachel.)
MonicaYou can't do that!
EldadMaybe I should go.
Monica(stopping him) Sit down! We're winning!
RachelOk, you know what? Maybe I should go!
All(Chandler stops her) No-no-no-no! Have a seat! You have a seat!
MonicaRachel! Rachel! You haven't touched Eldad's hair!
ChandlerIt is the softest hair! Touch it! (Both he and Monica do so.)
RachelOh! Yeah, I'm good.
PhoebeRachel? Patrick is really rich. (To Patrick) Give her some money.
PatrickYou know what Phoebe? This isn't really worth the free massage.
MonicaThat's right Patrick, bye-bye!
Chandler(To Rachel) Eldad is much more cooperative! And he can dance! (To Eldad) You dance for Rachel!
(He starts to get up, but Rachel stops him.)
RachelNo-no-no! Don't dance for me please. Don't dance. (She gets up to yell at her 'friends.') What is the matter with you guys?
PhoebeYeah, ok, let's talk it out.
RachelI... Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for?
EldadI'm a little embarrassed. (Chandler shushes him.)
RachelI'll tell you who should be embarrassed! It's you guys! Come on! This is ridiculous! Thank you very much, but I do not need you to get me a date!
PhoebeThen why did she ask us to...
RachelI am still talking!! And then you chase away the one guy that I actually liked! I mean, no offense to you guys. Really! I mean (To Patrick) congratulations on all the cash, (He nods) and-and you know you really- (Feels Eldad's hair) Wow, you do have very soft hair. But I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through anymore of this! Goodbye! (Grabs her stuff, starts to leave, then turns back suddenly, and to Eldad) Now do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair?!
EldadYes, Papaya Extract.
RachelThank you! (Storms out.) The airport, Elizabeth's flight is about to leave and Ross is there to see her off. RossSo, uh, have a great time down there.
ElizabethI will.
RossYeah. And did you, did you pack that bathing suit?
ElizabethYeah.
RossIt was pretty funny when I, when I hid it for a while, huh? Anyway, umm, I-I am worried about that bathing suit, not because it's revealing which I'm fine with, no I'm concerned about your health, um, sun exposure.
ElizabethOh, don't worry, I have plenty of sun block, it's SPF-30.
RossWell, if what's in the bottle is actually 30. I mean sometimes you get 30, sometimes it's-it's 4, and I swear to God more often than not it's just milk.
ElizabethRoss, it's gonna be ok. I'm not going down there to hook up with a bunch of guys. I really like you. I like how things are going between us.
RossReally?
ElizabethYeah! I'm just going down there to relax and hang out with my friends.
RossOk. Cool.
ElizabethOh hey! Here they are!
(A group of about 10 guys and no women come running around the corner.)
GuyElizabeth!
(The guys pick up Elizabeth and carry her onto the plane as she waves bye.)
RossCall me!
Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. PhoebeRachel, we're sorry for pushing those guys on you.
RachelOh, that's all right! I ended up having a really good time. You know, the charity was a big success and they raised a lot of money and awareness.
ChandlerSo what was it for anyway?
RachelI wanna say a disease.
Joey(entering) Hey!
AllHey!
JoeyI just got this really weird message from Ross. He said turn on MTV.
RachelHuh. All right.
(Rachel does so and it's one of those dance party shows they have during spring break and we see...)
PhoebeOh my God, look! That's Elizabeth!
(Suddenly Ross jumps in and starts dancing with her.)
RachelOh, oh Professor Geller.
JoeyAhh, to be 13 again.
ChandlerYeah.

Teleplay by Gigi McCreery & Perry Rein; Story by Seth Kurland; Transcribed by Eric Aasen; Added footage text by Matthew G; Annotated by ncp.