Monica and Chandler's apartment. It's a scene from Rachel's Going Away Party. PhoebeOh, you know, Monica's gonna freak if every box isn't labeled.
JoeyOh, You're right. Yeah. Ok, Uh, Box of crap. Wow, it's so wild. When Monica and Chandler come back here they're gonna have a baby. A baby!
PhoebeI know. Oh wait, Ross doesn't know know the baby's coming. Should we call him and tell him?
JoeyOh, I don't know. Rachel is still over there yelling at him. Poor guy. I would not wanna be him right now. Ross's apartment. RachelWait. Wait. Should we be doing this?
RossOh, I don't know.
RachelOh, It's probably not a really good idea.
RossYeah, probably not.
RachelWell, that never stopped us before.
RossNo, sir! The hospital. ChandlerAw, I can't believe in a couple of hours we're gonna be parents.
MonicaI can't believe it's three weeks early. I love that our baby is prompt. Ok. All right, what room did the nurse say Erica was in?
ChandlerUh, 702.
MonicaOk. A delivery room at the hospital. A manCome on, baby.
A womanCome on, Michelle.
The manCome on. You can do this, baby.
MichelleGet this damn thing out of me!
ChandlerWell, these are for you. (to Monica) Did you see the size of the thing that was coming out of that woman?
MonicaI couldn't tell who was giving birth to who. The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. EricaHi.
ChandlerHey. How's it going?
EricaIt's ok. The doctor says it'll still be a while.
MonicaHow do you feel?
EricaWell, it hurts sometimes. Not too bad yet, though. It's a little scary.
MonicaOh I know. But honey, you're gonna be fine.
ChandlerTell that to lady in 702 with the toddler coming out of her. I think that kid was wearing a shirt. You're gonna be fine, though.
Ross's bedroom. Rachel is putting on her shoes as Ross shows up from underneath the covers. RossHey.
RachelShhh... Go back to sleep. I have to go home.
RossOh, God, this was amazing.
RachelIt really was. You've learned some new moves!
RossYeah, well, uh, this guy at work gave me "Sex for Dummies" as a joke.
RachelAh.
RossWho's laughing now?
RachelI know!
(They kiss.)
The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily. MonicaBreathe, breathe, breathe... Ok, Gooood.
ChandlerNext time can I say breathe?
MonicaNo, last time you said it like Dracula, and it scared her! Can I get you anything? You want some more ice chips?
EricaNo, I'm ok.
MonicaAlright, I'll be right back.
ChandlerWhere're you going?
MonicaTo use the bathroom.
ChandlerYou can't leave me alone with her.
MonicaWhat?
ChandlerThis is exactly the kind of social situation, that I am not comfortable with!
MonicaWhat kind of social situation are you comfortable with?
ChandlerIt's just that we've never spent any time, you know, alone together.
MonicaYou'll be fine. Nah, you won't, but I'll be back in two minutes.
ChandlerOk.
(Monica leaves, and Chandler closes the door. Erica just looks at him.)
ChandlerSo, ah... Any plans for the summer?
EricaI don't know. Maybe church-camp?
ChandlerHah. May not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
EricaWhat?
ChandlerWell, it's just interesting. You know, because no one will ever know, because no one can experience both.
(Erica just looks at him like he's crazy.)
ChandlerOne of life's great, unanswerable questions. I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something even more painful than those things? Like this. Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters. Joey is holding a baby duck. JoeyCome in.
PhoebeMorning.
JoeyHey!
PhoebeWhat's that?
JoeyIt's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
PhoebeOoh, it's a baby chick and duck!
JoeyUh-huh. And I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.
PhoebeI did not see that coming.
JoeyYeah, I figured they'd love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
PhoebeYes.
JoeyYeah. It's a shame people can't visit there.
PhoebeThat is the rule, though.
(Ross enters.)
PhoebeGuess what? You're-you're almost an uncle!
RossWhat?
JoeyYeah, Erica went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!
RossOh my God!
PhoebeYeah, and I have a definite feeling it's gonna be a girl.
RossPhoebe, you were sure Ben was gonna be a girl.
PhoebeHave you seen him throw a ball?
RossIs Rachel here?
JoeyUh, I think she's still asleep. Yeah. Hey hey hey hey, how did it go with you guys last night? She seemed pretty pissed at you.
RossUh, we, yeah, you know, we worked things out.
PhoebeWhat's that smile? Did something happen with you two?
RossHey, I'm not one to kiss and tell, but I'm also not one to have sex and shut up. We totally did it!
JoeyOh my God. You and Rachel?
RossI know, it's-it's pretty great.
JoeySo what's that mean? Are you guys getting back together?
RossOh, I.. I don't know. I mean we didn't really get to talk.
PhoebeBut do you wanna get back together?
RossI don't know. It was incredible. I mean, it just felt, so right. When I was holding her, I-I mean, I, I never wanted to let her go. You know what? Yeah, I do. I-I wanna be together.
Phoebe(screaming) YAY!
RossShhh!
Phoebe(quietly) Yay!
JoeySo, so is she still going to Paris?
RossWow, I hadn't thought of that. I-I hope not.
PhoebeOh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa... raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
(Rachel enters from her room.)
RachelMorning!
PhoebeGuess we'll never know how it ends.
JoeyOk.
RossHey.
RachelHi.
RossHey. How-how'd you sleep?
RachelGood. You?
RossGood.
JoeyI bet you did!
RossUh. Would you guys mind giving us a minute?
JoeySure, yeah. Will you just keep an eye on the chick and the duck?
RachelChick and the duck? Didn't they die...
Phoebe(interrupting) Dive. Yeah, they dove head-first into fun on the farm.
(Joey and Phoebe leave.)
RossSo...
(He kisses her.)
RossMorning.
RachelYou too. Last night was just wonderful.
RossOh, it really was.
RachelUh, I woke up today with the biggest smile on my face.
RossI know, me too. It was... You know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen, and then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.
RachelUh-huh. I know. It was just, uh, it was just the perfect way to say goodbye. (She hugs him, and Ross looks crushed.) The Hospital. Erica is moaning and about to give birth. Monica, Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her. MonicaIt's just a little bit more, honey.
EricaHelp me and this hurts!
ChandlerIs it really that bad?
EricaUh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
(Monica gives Chandler a look.)
DoctorThe baby's head is crowning.
(Monica walks down to Erica's legs to watch the birth.)
MonicaOh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
(Chandler is standing by Erica's head.)
ChandlerI'm ok.
MonicaChandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
ChandlerAlright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.
DoctorStart pushing. Here we go. Here come the shoulders...
(The baby starts crying, and the doctor holds it up.)
MonicaIt's a... It's a boy!
ChandlerWow!
EricaIs he ok?
DoctorHe's just fine.
MonicaOh, you did it!
Chandler(emotional) It's a baby! A beautiful little baby! And some other stuff I'm gonna pretend I don't see.
DoctorWould you like to cut the umbilical cord?
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
ChandlerWell, that's spongy.
Monica(to her son) Oh, hey, handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler, on the verge of tears) Oh, we are so lucky!
ChandlerI know. He has your eyes.
(Monica looks at him.)
ChandlerI mean, I know that's not possible, but he does.
NurseWe'll just get him cleaned up a bit.
(The doctor hands the boy to the nurse, and she walks over to another part of the room with him.)
ChandlerOk.
Monica(To Erica) Oh my God, he's beautiful. Thank you so much.
EricaI'm really happy for you guys.
ChandlerHow do you feel?
EricaI'm tired!
DoctorWell, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
(Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica just freezes and turns around slowly.)
MonicaI'm-I'm sorry, who should be along and what now?
DoctorThe next baby should be along in a minute.
MonicaUh-hu, we only ordered one!
DoctorYou know it's twins, right?
ChandlerOh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know! The hospital. Continued from earlier. DoctorI can't believe you didn't know it's twins! This's never happened before.
ChandlerWell, gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.
Monica(to the doctor) Wait, did you know it was twins?
DoctorYeah, it's here in the paperwork we got from the clinic in Ohio.
Monica(to Erica) Did anybody tell you?
EricaI don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
MonicaThis is unbelievable.
EricaTwins actually run in my family.
ChandlerInteresting! (To Monica) Can I see you for a second?
(They walk over to the door.)
ChandlerWhat do we do?
MonicaWhat do you mean "what do we do"?
Chandler(panicking) Twins! Twins!!
MonicaChandler, you're panicking!
ChandlerUh-huh! Join me, won't you?! Ok, what do you say we keep one, and then just like have an option on the other one?
MonicaWe can't split them up!
ChandlerWhy not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.
MonicaOk, what if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?
ChandlerWhat if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?
MonicaYeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt.
ChandlerMonica, we are not ready to have two babies!
MonicaThat doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!
Chandler(smiles) Ok. Shhh...
(He hugs her.)
ChandlerOk.
MonicaOk!
ChandlerOk!
DoctorIt looks like we're about ready over here.
(Monica and Chandler run back to Erica's bed.)
DoctorCome on, Erica, start pushing again now.
EricaOw!
(Erica screams.)
DoctorHere she comes!
Chandler(shocked) She? It's a girl?
DoctorYeah.
Chandler(To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough! Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe and Joey are there. RossAnd then she said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.
JoeyOh my God! What did you say?
RossNothing! What do you say to that?
PhoebeRoss, you've got to tell her how you feel!
RossNo way!
JoeyYou can't just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?
RossWhat?
JoeyDude, I'm just trying to speak your language.
PhoebeRoss, Rachel doesn't know that you wanna get back together. If she did, she might feel differently. She might not even go.
RossYou really think so?
PhoebeI'm telling you! Oh, ok! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Rachel enters and interrupts Phoebe's song.)
RachelHi!
PhoebeCan't a girl finish a song around here?
JoeyHey!
RachelHi! So I just dropped Emma off at my mom's.
RossOk.
JoeyOh, you're not taking her with you tonight?
RachelNo, we decided that I would go ahead and set up first, and then my mom would bring Emma to Paris on Sunday.
PhoebeWow, eight hour flight with a one-year old? Good luck, mom.
RachelAre you kidding? Eight hours with my mother talking about Atkins? Good luck, Emma!
(Rachel walks up to the counter.)
RossAlright, you know what? You're right. I should at least tell her how I feel.
(He stands up.)
JoeyOk. Ross, wait wait!
RossWhat? What?
JoeyCould you get me a muffin?
(Ross walks up to Rachel, but Gunther gets there first.)
GuntherRachel?
RachelYeah?
GuntherI... I know you're-you're leaving tonight, but I-I just have to tell you. I love you.
(Ross is shocked.)
GuntherNow, I... I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I-I thought you should know.
Rachel(touched) Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
(She kisses him on the cheek and looks over at the others.)
RachelOh... Bye you guys.
PhoebeBye.
(Rachel leaves.)
RossOh my God!
PhoebeUnbelievable!
JoeyHey, you know what might help?
RossI'm not getting you a muffin! The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica. MonicaDo you think they recognize each other from in there?
ChandlerMaybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
NurseWe're going to take Erica to recovery now.
MonicaThere's something that we wannted to tell you. We decided to name the girl baby, Erica.
EricaOh my God, that's just like my name!
MonicaSon of a gun, it is!
EricaAnyway, I'm gonna go get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.
MonicaOk, well, bye!
EricaBye!
ChandlerBye!
MonicaWe'll call you!
EricaOk.
ChandlerYou have fun at church camp!
(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)
MonicaOh, look at these little bunnies!
ChandlerI know! You ready to trade?
MonicaOk.
ChandlerOk.
MonicaAlright, let's see.
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
ChandlerWe could trade later.
MonicaYeah, I'm good. Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table. PhoebeHey, what're you working on?
JoeyIt's a... It's a "welcome home" sign for the baby.
(He holds up a white poster with huge red letters. It reads, "Welcome Home Baby." There is also a huge red stain on the left of the poster.)
PhoebeHow sweet! Oh, is that the baby?
(She points at the stain.)
JoeyNo, I sat in the paint.
(Ross enters with a gift for the baby.)
RossHey.
PhoebeHey. So, did you talk to Rachel?
RossNo, and I'm not going to.
PhoebeWhat?
JoeyWhy not?
RossBecause she's just going to shoot me down. You guys saw what happened with Gunther. That did not look like fun.
PhoebeHow can you compare yourself to Gunther? I mean, sure, he's sexier in a more obvious way. You have a relationship with her, you slept together last night.
RossYeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.
JoeyYeah, I know what you mean. I mean, sometimes...
(He sits down in the wet paint again.)
PhoebeUh, Joe?
JoeyDamn it!
RossLook, even if I were gonna tell her, I don't have to do it now. Ok? I'll be seeing her again. We've got time.
PhoebeNo, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
MikeHey!
PhoebeHey! What-what do you have there?
MikeOh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..
(He shows them a beautiful banner he has made. It reads, "Welcome to the World, Baby Bing.")
RossOh my God! You did that yourself?
PhoebeHoney, that's gorgeous!
JoeyYou know, the baby can't read, Mike!
(Rachel enters.)
RachelHi! You guys, the car-service just got here. I can't believe they're not home yet! I have to catch my stupid plane. I wanna see the baby!
JoeyWell, Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And-and apparently, there's some big surprise.
PhoebeYeah, didn't she sound happy about it? 'Cause my friend Ethel's baby was born with a teeny, tiny beard.
(Monica enters carrying her son.)
RachelOh my God!
RossOh my God!
(They all walk over to see the baby.)
RachelHi! Oh my gosh!
(Chandler enters carrying his daughter.)
ChandlerHey.
(Everybody turns around.)
Phoebe, Ross, RachelHey.
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Joey(To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?
RachelOh.
(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two together. He gasps.)
RossOh, my God!
RachelWhat... What...
RossOk, ok, awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?
MonicaYes, it's twins!
RossOh my God.
JoeyOh, they're so cute! Now, what, what kinds are they?
Monica(points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) that's a girl.
ChandlerHer name is Erica.
RachelAw..
JoeyHey, that pregnant girl's name was Erica.
ChandlerYeah. It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.
MonicaYeah, we named the boy Jack after dad.
RossAw, he's gonna be so happy.
PhoebeOh, Jack Bing. I love that. Ooh, it sounds like a '40s newspaper guy, you know? "Jack Bing, Morning Gazette. I'm gonna-I'm gonna blow this story wide open!"
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
RachelOh my gosh. Wow, so beautiful.
Mike(To Phoebe) I want one.
PhoebeOh yeah? Well, tell me which one, and I'll try slip it in my coat.
MikeSeriously. You wanna make one of those?
PhoebeOne? How about a whole bunch?
MikeReally?
PhoebeYeah! Ooh, we could teach them to sing, and we can be like the Von Trapp family! Only without the Nazis. Although that sounds kinda dull.
RachelOh, you guys, I can't believe this. But I'll leave now, or I'm gonna miss my plane.
MonicaI'm just so glad you got to see the babies.
(They hug.)
RachelMe too. Oh, I'm just sorry I'm not gonna be around to watch you two attempt to handle this! Alright, Aw I can't say goodbye to you guys again. I love you, all, so much.
MonicaI love you.
ChandlerI love you.
MonicaHey, call us when you get there.
RachelI will. Ross, come here.
(She pulls him over to the door.)
RachelI just want you to know.. Last night.. I'll never forget it.
RossNeither will I.
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
RachelAlright, now I really have to go. Ok. Au revoir! Oh, they're gonna really hate me over there.
(She leaves.)
PhoebeSo, you just let her go?
RossYeah.
JoeyHey, maybe that's for the best.
RossYeah?
JoeyYeah. You know? You just... Look, you gotta... You gotta think about last night the way she does, ok? You know maybe, maybe sleeping together was the perfect way to say goodbye?
Monica(to Chandler) They slept together?
ChandlerI was with you.
PhoebeBut now she'll never know how he feels!
JoeyBut maybe that's ok. You know? Maybe, maybe it is better this way? I mean, now, now you can move on. I mean, you've been trying to for so long, maybe now that you're on different continents.. (Looks at Phoebe) Right?
(Phoebe nods.)
JoeyMaybe now you can actually do it. You know? You can, you can finally get over her.
RossYeah, that's true. Except, I don't wanna get over her.
JoeyWhat?
RossI don't! I wanna be with her.
JoeyReally?
RossYeah, I'm gonna go after her.
JoeyYeah, you are!
PhoebeWoo!
(Monica and Chandler look shocked as Ross goes to leave.)
PhoebeWait, wait! Get your coat! Get your coat!
RossMy coat.
JoeyThis is so cool!
ChandlerI have no idea what's going on, but I am excited!
JoeyRoss, Ross! What'd you, what'd you think she's gonna say?
RossI don't know, but I.. Look, even if she shoots me down, then at least I won't spend the rest of my life wondering what would've happened. Where, where is my coat?!
PhoebeYou didn't bring one! My cab's downstairs, I'll drive you to the airport.
RossOk, guys, wish me luck.
PhoebeHurry!
JoeyGood luck, good luck!
(Phoebe and Ross leave.)
JoeyOh my god, Ross is going after Rachel. And you guys have babies? This is like the best day ever!
MonicaWhy is there an ass-shape paint on my couch?
JoeyShe asked you a question, Mike! (leaves) The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in. RossYou really think we're gonna make it in time?
PhoebeHey, I didn't have my license taken away 'cause I drive carefully.
RossThere's no seatbelt!
PhoebeThat's ok. If-if we hit anything, the engine will explode, so, you know, it's better if you're thrown from the car.
(Ross looks terrified.)
RossAlright, alright, let's do this!
PhoebeOk!
(A guy comes up and gets into the backseat of the cab.)
RossHey!
Man80th east end.
PhoebeI, I don't take passengers.
ManHey! The law says you have to accept any fare.
RossNo, you don't understand. This isn't a real cab.
ManAlright, I'm gonna report you. What's your medallion number?
PhoebeMy medallion number is, "Get out of the cab!"
ManWhat?
Ross(screaming) Get out of the cab!
PhoebeGet out of the cab!
(The man jumps out, obviously a little scared. Phoebe drives off.) Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler and Joey are there, packing the last boxes. JoeyHey you guys, check this out.
MonicaNooo!
JoeyOk.
JoeyOh, hey, can I give you guys your house-warming present now?
MonicaNow, that you can do.
JoeyAlright!
ChandlerI have a question. Without looking into their diapers, can you tell them apart?
MonicaOf course I can, I'm their mother.
ChandlerOh yeah? Ok, which one is that one?
MonicaThat's Jack.
ChandlerWow, Jack's gonna have a tough time in high school with that vagina.
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
JoeyAh... Chick Jr.? Duck Jr.? Don't hide from mama! Phoebe's cab. Phoebe is driving very fast, and a terrified Ross has closed his eyes. PhoebeYou can open your eyes now.
RossAre we off the bridge?
PhoebeYes.
RossIs the old woman on the bicycle still alive?
PhoebeYes, she jumped right back up.
(Ross opens his eyes.)
RossOh my God, Phoebe, slow down!
PhoebeDo you wanna get to Rachel in time?
RossYes, but I don't wanna die in your cab!
PhoebeYou should have thought of that before you got in!
(They drive up to a tollbooth.)
PhoebeTollbooth.
RossWhat?
Phoebe(screaming) Tollbooth! Four bucks. There are quarters in the glove compartment.
(Ross tries to open a plastic bag filled with quarters, but he's quite slow.)
PhoebeHurry!
RossOk!
PhoebeOk.
(Phoebe tries to throw some quarters out the window, but she has forgotten to open the window, and she and Ross scream.)
PhoebeDamn, that window is clean. God! Hey! Joey's apartment. Joey is still looking for the birds. JoeyQuack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, tweet, quack-
(Monica and Chandler enter.)
ChandlerWe were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.
JoeyOk, I wanted to surprise you, but, for your house-warming gift, I got you a baby-chick and a baby-duck!
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
ChandlerReally? You got us a chick and a duck?
MonicaOh, great! Just what you want for a new house with infants. Bird feces.
JoeyYeah, yeah, they must've jumped off the table, 'cause now they're gone!
ChandlerOh, don't worry, we'll find them.
JoeyAlright.
MonicaYou know, actually, I'm gonna go check on the twins.
JoeyAlright.
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on something.)
MonicaOh God! What did I just step on?
ChandlerIt's ok, it's just an egg roll.
MonicaOh..
JoeyYou stepped on my egg roll?
MonicaI'm sorry, I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor.
JoeyJust put it on a plate and leave.
(She does so.)
ChandlerOk, let's find these birds.
JoeyAlright.
(Suddenly, they hear the birds.)
JoeyWait wait. You hear that?
(They realise that the birds are in the foosball table.)
JoeyOh! They're in the table!
ChandlerWell, that can't be good!
JoeyWe gotta get them out of there!
ChandlerHow?
JoeyOh! Oh! Maybe we can lure them out. You know any birdcalls?
ChandlerOh, tons, I'm quite the woodsman.
JoeyWell uh, maybe we can just tip the table a little.
ChandlerJoey, wait! The ball!
JoeyOh!
(The ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally, they can hear the birds again.)
JoeyOh God! So what do we do?
ChandlerI don't know. Maybe we can open this up somehow.
JoeyOk.
ChandlerNo... It's all glued together.
JoeyDoes that mean we have to bust it open?
ChandlerI don't know. Maybe.
JoeyOh my God!
ChandlerI know! It's.. It's the foosball table.
JoeyAll right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would've said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our men in there, we have to get 'em out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life: my time machine."
ChandlerDid that movie ever get made?
JoeyIt did not. The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in. PhoebeRoss, where're you going?
RossUh to talk to Rachel, isn't that why we took a ride in the death-cab?
PhoebeWhat? What're you just gonna walk up to her at the gate? Have you never chased anyone through the airport before?
RossUh not since my cop-show got cancelled.
PhoebeYou have to get a ticket to get past security.
RossWhat? We're never gonna make it!
PhoebeNot with that attitude! Now, haul ass!
(They run to the ticket counter, but they get stuck behind a group of old people who are walking very slowly.)
RossOk, if you could all walk slower, that'd be great. The gate. Rachel walks up to the man at the gate and gives him her passport. Gate attendant #1(with a French accent) Madame, your passport please?
RachelOh, my God! I was so afraid I wasn't gonna remember any of my high school French, but I understood every word you just said!
Gate attendant #1Your boarding pass, please.
RachelOh. Sure.
(She starts looking through her purse, but she can't find it.)
RachelOh, shoot. I had it. Oh, I can't believe this.
Gate attendant #1Madame, if you don't have your boarding pass...
RachelI have it, I have it, I have it. Oh, ok, I can't find it, but I remember that I was in seat 32C, because that's my bra-size.
Gate attendant #1Madame, you must have your boarding pass-
RachelOk, fine! But you know what? If I was in 36D, we would not be having this problem. The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe come running. RossHi, I need a ticket.
PhoebeJust one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?
RossFine, two tickets, I need two tickets.
PhoebeWe're on our honeymoon.
Ticket agentAnd the destination?
RossI don't care. Whatever is the cheapest.
PhoebeI'm so lucky I married you. The gate. Rachel is still searching for her boarding pass. RachelOh! Shoot! Damn it! Where is it? Oh! Oh! I found it! I found it!
(She runs up to the gate and the gate attendant standing there.)
RachelHah! I found it! I told you I would find it! In your face! You're a different person. The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate. RossOk, flight 421 to Paris. I don't see it, do you see it?
PhoebeNo, did we miss it?
RossNo no no. That's impossible. It doesn't leave for another 20 minutes.
PhoebeMaybe we have the flight-number wrong. God.
(Phoebe picks up her cellphone and calls Monica. Monica is still packing in her apartment.)
MonicaHello.
PhoebeHey, it's me. Here's Ross.
RossWhat? Hey, hey, listen..
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
MonicaOh my God! Ross, you wouldn't believe the cute little noises the twins are making. Hey we- listen.
(She holds the phone down to the twins.)
RossBut Monica? Monica, Monica, Monica, Monica.
MonicaOh, I'm sorry. Shoot, they were doing it before.
RossThat's alright. Listen, listen.
MonicaOh, wait, wait, wait! Here they go again.
(She holds down the phone to the twins again.)
RossMonica! Monica! Monica! Monica! Monica?
MonicaIsn't that cute?
RossThat is precious! Listen! I need Rachel's flight information.
MonicaOh, ok. Alright, it's flight 421. Leaves at 8:40.
RossYes, that's what I have. It's not on the board.
MonicaThat's what it says here. Flight 421, leaves at 8:40, Newark airport.
RossWhat?
MonicaNewark airport. Why, where are you?
RossJFK.
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.) Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler are still trying to get the birds out of the foosball-table. Joey(yelling) Don't worry, you guys, we're gonna get you out of there.
ChandlerAnd we're also gonna buy you tiny, bird hearing-aids.
(Joey picks up a hammer and a crowbar and gets ready to destroy the table.)
JoeyOk. Here goes. (Stops)
ChandlerWhat's the matter?
JoeyI need to say goodbye to the table first.
ChandlerI understand.
JoeyOk. Table, you have given us so many great times. And-and you guys, Jordan, Victor, Joel... All of you guys. What can I say? You guys make us look good. (to Chandler) You wanna say anything?
ChandlerI don't know. Except that, for one last time... (he touches the players as he says the following) Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game.
JoeyOk, here we go. I can't do it.
ChandlerWell, I can't do it either.
(Monica enters.)
MonicaHey! Did you find them?
JoeyYeah, they're stuck inside the table!
ChandlerAnd we have to bust it open, but neither of us can do it!
MonicaOh, well sure. This gotta be so hard. I'll do it. Gimme!
(Monica grabs the hammer and the crowbar and gets ready to bust it open.) Phoebe's cab. She's driving faster than ever before. RossPhoebe! Wow! No no no no no!
(Phoebe screams.)
PhoebeWow, I've never gone this fast before.
RossPhoebe, forget it, ok? Newark is-is like an hour away. There's no way we're gonna make it in time.
PhoebeShe's got her cell, you could call her.
RossI am not doing this over the phone.
PhoebeYou don't have any other choice!
(She lets go of the steering wheel to get her cell phone from her purse. Ross screams and reaches over in order to hold onto the wheel. Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her cell phone rings.)
RachelHello?
PhoebeRachel? Oh, good. Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane?
RachelYeah.
Phoebe(To Ross) For what it's worth, we would've caught her if we were at the right airport.
RossYay.
PhoebeUh, Rach, hang on.
(Phoebe tries to give her phone to Ross, but he won't take it. He mouths "no.")
RachelPhoebe? Is everything ok?
PhoebeUhm, actually no. No. You, you have to get off the plane.
RachelWhat? Why?
PhoebeI have this feeling that something's wrong with it. Something is wrong with the left philange.
RachelOh, honey, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the plane.
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
RachelAlright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.
(Rachel hangs up.)
Passenger #1Uhm, what was that?
RachelOh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left philange.
Passenger #1Ok, uh, that doesn't sound good.
RachelI wouldn't worry about it. She's always coming up with stuff like this, and you know what? She's almost never right.
Passenger #1But she is sometimes.
RachelWell...
(The passenger stands up and gets his suitcase from the overhead compartment.)
RachelWait, what're you doing?
Passenger #1Well, I can't take this plane now.
Air stewardessExcuse me, sir, where're you going?
Passenger #1I have to get off this plane, ok? Her friend has a feeling something's wrong with the left philange.
RachelCould I get some peanuts?
Passenger #2What's wrong with the plane?
Air stewardessThere's nothing wrong with the plane.
Passenger #1Oooh yeah! The left philange!
Air stewardessThere is no philange!
Passenger #1Oh my God. This plane doesn't even have a philange!
Passenger #2I'm not flying on it!
Air stewardessMa'am, please sit down!
Passenger #3What's going on?
Passenger #1We're all getting off. There is no philange!
(Everybody walks out of the plane.)
RachelUh, this is ridiculous! I...
(She notices that everybody is leaving.)
RachelYeah, ok.
(Rachel leaves as well.) Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds. MonicaAlright. My job here is done.
ChandlerThat was... impressive.
JoeyYeah, you didn't use the tools for most of it!
MonicaYeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I'd get back to the babies. See you girls later.
(Monica leaves.)
ChandlerSorry about the table, man.
JoeyYeah.
ChandlerYou gonna buy a new one?
JoeyProbably not. Nah. I don't know how much I'm gonna wanna play after you go.
ChandlerWell, at least we got these little guys out.
JoeyYeah.
ChandlerAww, we were worried about you! Hm. I guess I'd better get used to things crapping in my hand, huh?
JoeyI'm gonna miss these little guys. It was nice having birds around again.
ChandlerHey, you know what? Maybe we should keep 'em here with you.
JoeyWhat?
ChandlerYeah, I mean we got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.
JoeyI could get a goose!
ChandlerYou know, I- I think you're set with the poultry.
JoeyThanks man. You hear that, you guys? You're gonna get to stay here! And, and it's good, you know, 'cause uh, 'cause now you have a reason to come visit.
ChandlerI think there may be another reason. So uh, awkward hug or lame cool guy handshake?
JoeyYeah well you know, lame cool guy handshake, yeah.
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.) The gate at the airport. The passengers are standing in line, and they're about to board the plane again. Gate attendant #2Ma'am, I assure you, the plane is fine.
Passenger #2And you fixed the philange?
Gate attendant #2Yes, the philange is fixed. As a matter of fact, we put a whole lot of extra philanges onboard, just in case.
(Rachel walks up to the gate. Cut to Ross and Phoebe who come running up to the gate.)
RossWhere is she?
PhoebeI don't see her.
RossRachel! Rachel Green!
PhoebeThere she is!
RossRachel! Rachel!
Gate attendant #2Wow wow, excuse me, sir, do you have a boarding pass?
RossNo, no, I ju-I just have to talk to someone.
Gate attendant #2I'm sorry, you cannot go any further without a boarding pass.
RossNo no no, but I, you know-
Phoebe(screaming) RACHEL!
(Rachel comes back to the gate.)
RachelWhat? Oh my God, what-what're you guys doing here?
PhoebeOk, you're on.
RachelWhat? What? Ross, you're scaring me. What's going on?
RossOk, the thing is-
RachelYeah?
RossDon't go.
RachelWhat?
RossPlease, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please don't go.
RachelOh my God.
RossI know, I know. I shouldn't have waited 'til now to say it, but I'm.. That was stupid, ok? I'm sorry, but I'm telling you now. I love you. Do not get on this plane.
Gate attendant #2Miss? Are you boarding the plane?
RossHey, hey. I know you love me. I know you do.
Gate attendant #2Miss?
RachelI-I, I have to get on the plane.
RossNo, you don't.
RachelYes, I do.
RossNo, you don't.
RachelThey're waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
RossRachel?
RachelI'm so sorry.
(She boards the plane.)
RossI really thought she'd stay.
PhoebeI'm sorry.
(Phoebe hugs Ross.) Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes. MonicaWell, that's it. Everything's packed.
ChandlerWow, this is weird.
MonicaI know.
JoeyYeah. Uh, does this mean there's nothing to eat?
MonicaI put three lasagnas in your freezer.
JoeyI love you!
(He hugs her. Phoebe enters.)
JoeyHey!
PhoebeHey.
JoeyDid you guys make it in time?
PhoebeYeah, yeah, he talked to her, but um she got on the plane anyway.
ChandlerWhere's Ross?
PhoebeHe went home. He didn't wanna see anybody.
JoeyAw. Ross's apartment. Ross enters and checks his messages. Rachel(on the answering machine) Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I, wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things and... now I'm just sitting here and thinking, of all the stuff I should've said and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
RossOh my God!
Rachel(on the answering machine) Ok, excuse-excuse me?
Air stewardess(on the answering machine) Miss? Please, sit down!
Rachel(on the answering machine) No, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, ok? I need just to tell someone that I love them.
Air stewardess(on the answering machine) Miss, I can't let you off the plane.
RossLet her off the plane!
Air stewardess(on the answering machine) I am afraid you're gonna have to take a seat.
Rachel(on the answering machine) Oh, please, miss, you don't understand!
RossTry to understand!
Rachel(on the answering machine) Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you can just let me off the-
(The message is finished. Ross jumps over to the answering machine.)
RossNo! No! Oh, my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
RachelI got off the plane.
RossYou got off the plane.
(He walks over and kisses her.)
RachelI do love you.
RossI love you too, and I'm never letting you go again.
RachelOk. 'Cause this is where I wanna be, ok? No more messing around. I don't wanna mess this up again.
RossNo, me neither, ok? We're-we're done being stupid.
RachelOk. It's you and me, alright? This is it.
RossThis is it. Unless we're on a break.
(Rachel gives him a look.)
Ross(to himself) Don't make jokes now.
(They kiss again.) Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser. MonicaOk, please be careful with that. It was my grandmother's. Be careful. Thank you.
(Two other men are rolling the big white dog out of the apartment.)
MonicaIf that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.
(She slips them some money.)
RossWow.
RachelI know. It seems smaller somehow.
JoeyHas it always been purple?
Chandler(to his children) Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a freaking steal!
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)
PhoebeHey, do you realise that at one time or another we all lived in this apartment?
MonicaOh, yeah, that's true.
RossUh, I haven't.
MonicaWait a minute. What about that summer during college that you lived with grandma, and you tried to make it as a dancer?
RossDo you realise we almost made it ten years without that coming up?
MonicaOh, honey, I forgot. I promised Treeger that we'd leave our keys.
ChandlerOh, ok.
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
PhoebeSo I guess this is it.
JoeyYeah. I guess so.
Monica(crying) This is harder than I thought it would be.
ChandlerOh, it's gonna be ok.
(Chandler hugs her. Monica hugs Ross and Rachel as Chandler gets the stroller with the twins.)
Rachel(crying) Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?
MonicaWe got some time.
RachelOk, should we get some coffee?
ChandlerSure. Where?
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)

Written by Marta Kauffman & David Crane; Directed by Kevin Bright; Transcribed by Kreidy; Annotated by ncp