The university cafeteria. Howard is on the phone.
HowardMa, Ma, calm down. Listen to me. I know it says click with the mouse, but on a laptop, the trackpad is the mouse. Now, put your finger on it. Yeah, doesn't matter which finger. Good choice. Now move it down to your e-mail icon. Yeah, the little envelope. What do you mean, what does it look like? It looks like an envelope! Fine, you don't like the computer, don't use it! Sure, we can exchange it for a salad spinner. Goodbye!
RajThat's a Hanukkah present you're regretting, huh?
SheldonI won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.
LeonardI had a great idea. You know how we're always having to stop and solve differential equations, like when you're doing Fourier analysis, or using the Schrodinger equation?
SheldonHoward doesn't. He's only an engineer.
LeonardI was thinking, we could write a little app that would use handwriting recognition, and then run it through a symbolic evaluation engine. You just use your smartphone, take a picture of the equation and bam!
RajYou know what's a great app? The one that makes fart noises.
SheldonYou know, Leonard, that's actually a valid idea. Very good.
LeonardCan you say that and not make it sound like I'm a cat who learned how to use the toilet?
SheldonNo. The two achievements are equally surprising and equally admirable, though if pressed, I'd have to give a slight edge to the cat. I'll save you the pain and nervousness of waiting for the answer. I agree to be part of your project. Congratulations.
LeonardOh, yay for me. What about you guys? I can't promise anything, but people do make money off stuff like this.
HowardA few extra bucks would be nice. I could finally move out of my mother's house.
RajWhere would you go?
HowardI always dreamed about building a little place of my own over the garage.
RajYou know, if I made more money, I could take time off from work and give pretty girls submarine rides.
HowardWhat's that? Some weird sex thing?
RajNo. You take pretty girls underwater in your private submarine, and you show them fish. Why does everything have to be dirty with you?
LeonardI was thinking we could work on this at night, and then maybe in a couple of weeks, we'll have ourselves an app to sell.
HowardSounds like we're in business.
RajI think we should take a picture to capture this moment.
Raj(Pressing button on camera phone. Camera makes a fart noise) Was that the best 99 cents I ever spent, or what?
LeonardI checked the App Store. No one is doing handwriting-recognition differential equation solving.
SheldonOh, dear Lord, shush.
SheldonYou have so few good ideas, Leonard. And you're just gonna to spill the beans in front of an outsider?
HowardSheldon, I don't think Penny cares about handwriting-recognition based differential-
Sheldon(Singing) The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.
LeonardShe's not going to steal our idea.
LeonardWe're gonna write an application-
Sheldon(Singing) The prairie sky is wide and high, deep in the heart-
PennyOkay, stop, stop!
PennyWhatever your secret is, I'm sure it's boring, so I'm not interested.
LeonardIt's not boring at all. You see, in higher order mathematics, there are certain sets of equations that-
Leonard(To Sheldon) Satisfied?
SheldonHardly. Consider this unlikely but very plausible scenario. A young woman alone in the big city. Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.
PennyHey, wait a minute.
HowardWell, hang on. Let's see where he's going.
SheldonThen it hits her. How is she going to survive? I mean, she has no prospects, no marketable skills. And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.
PennyHang on. Let's see where he's going.
SheldonShe befriends them, and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea, which she steals and sells to the highest bidder.
LeonardThat is ridiculous.
SheldonOh, is it? Well let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.
PennyOh, great. You know what? I've already mooched dinner off you guys. I don't need to listen to this.
HowardThere's your answer, free food.
SheldonAll right, I've taken the liberty of drafting these workflow charts which outline our various duties and the path we will follow as we develop our ground-breaking new app.
RajHey, why am I in charge of phone support? Seems a bit racist.
SheldonA customer service representative with an Indian accent will create the impression we're a vast enterprise that uses overseas call centres.
RajOh. Very clever. But still racist.
SheldonDuly noted, Steve from Wichita.
HowardWhy am I listed as your executive assistant?
SheldonBecause the word secretary has fallen into disrepute. FYI, my mother's birthday is coming up. I'm going to need you to pick up a present.
LeonardOkay, we need to stop for a minute.
SheldonLeonard, please, we can talk during our break. We have one coming up at midnight. (To Howard) And we'll need snacks.
LeonardSheldon, you're not in charge. It's my idea. I'm in charge.
SheldonOh, of course you are. Look at the organizational chart. You're clearly listed as founder.
LeonardWell, yes, and you're listed as Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Operating Officer.
SheldonYou missed Chief Science Officer, Chairman of the Board, and Head of the Secret Santa Committee.
LeonardOkay. You need to get clear on this right now. I am in charge of this project.
RajOoh. Leonard's going all alpha nerd on Sheldon's ass.
SheldonAll right. All right, I'm not going to argue with you. Sheldon Cooper is nothing if not a team player. Dr. Hofstadter, you have the conn.
LeonardThank you. I thought we might start by talking about the user interface.
SheldonOh, dear Lord,