The apartment. Sheldon is making a video.
SheldonHello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and welcome to the premiere episode of Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun with Flags. Over the next 52 weeks, you and I are going to explore the dynamic world of vexillology.
AmyHang on, Dr. C. What's vexillology?
SheldonVexillology is the study of flags.
AmyCool. I think I just learned something.
SheldonDid you have fun doing it?
SheldonFun and information are two sides to this video podcast, not unlike the only two-sided state flag, Oregon. Oh, look. Hello, Mr. Beaver. In future episodes, we'll answer some burning questions. What's the only non-rectangular flag? What animal appears most often on flags? What animal appears second most often on flags? And more.
SheldonWhy are you waving a white flag?
AmyI'm surrendering to fun.
SheldonNow, today's episode of Fun with Flags is not fun, but it is important. Flags: you gotta know how to hold 'em, you gotta know how to fold 'em. Let's start by identifying the parts of our flag. This edge is the hoist, and it's used to-
LeonardExcuse me, sorry, excuse me.
SheldonCut. Did you not see we are rolling?
LeonardSorry. I'm having dinner with Penny. I have to get out of here.
SheldonAnd I have flag knowledge that I have to get out of here! (Points at his head)
SheldonNo, I'm a little rattled. But like the flag over Fort Sumter, I'm still here. And, take two. Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and welcome to the premiere episode of Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun with Flags. Over the next 52 weeks, you and I are going to explore the dynamic world of vexillology.
AmyHang on, Dr. Cooper. What's vexillology?
SheldonVexillology is- why is there a face on that flag?
AmyIt's Ferdinand T. Flag. I thought he might help bring in some younger viewers.
SheldonConfound it! You're right, it's brilliant. Let's take it from the top.
PennyThat was a really nice dinner. I'm glad you asked me out again.
LeonardMe too, I missed you.
PennyYou see me all the time. You sure you just don't miss the sex?
LeonardWell, yeah, sex with you is pretty great. Have you ever tried it?
PennyI have. You are not wrong. I just think if we're gonna try dating again, we should take things slow.
LeonardOh, I can take it slow. Did I ever tell you about my first girlfriend in high school, Karen Berberick? To this day she doesn't know we were going out. Made it easier on her when I broke things off.
PennyOkay, well, maybe not that slow.
LeonardHow about this, are you familiar with the typical development for computer software?
PennyYou know, just for fun, let's say I'm not.
LeonardBefore an application is released, they give it a trial run. W-We could do that. And if we hit a rough spot, instead of getting mad, just say, hey, we found a bug, and we report it so it can be fixed.
PennyYou mean like a beta test?
LeonardWell, technically, this would be an alpha test. A beta test requires people that weren't involved in the development of the appli-
PennySeriously, do I not get credit for knowing beta test?
LeonardNo, you should. Absolutely. That was me being pedantic. And that's our first bug. You reported it. I can fix that. See? This is good.
PennyAll right. Let's give it a shot.
LeonardGreat. You keep a list, I'll keep a list. At some point, we'll exchange.
PennyOkay. Good night, Leonard.
LeonardNight. Attaboy, Hofstadter. Nothing gets the ladies hotter than software development analogies. Hey, I'm back.
SheldonCut! Take 47.
Sheldon and Raj's office.
SheldonHere's an interesting fact about flags.
RajI will take that action.
SheldonThe flags of Liechtenstein and Haiti were identical by coincidence, a fact that wasn't discovered until they competed against each other at the 1936 Olympics. And thankfully, their embarrassment was overshadowed by the rise of Fascism.
HowardLet's see the new phone.
RajI stopped on the way to work. Hey, do you wanna peel the plastic off with me?
HowardReally? Me? That's like the best part.
RajGrab a corner. Whoa, what's your hurry, cowboy? Savor the moment.
SheldonSpeaking of cowboys, do you know what country has not one but two cows on its flag? The tiny landlocked nation of Andorra. Oh, the next classic episode of Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun with Flags is writing itself.
HowardOh, let me try the voice recognition.
RajHey, I let you peel the plastic, don't get greedy. (To phone) Hello?
RajWhat's your name?
PhoneMy name is Siri.
HowardLook at that. There's finally a woman in your life you can talk to.
RajAre you single?
SiriI don't have a marital status, if that's what you're asking.
RajYeah you're right, that's too personal. We hardly know each other. How about a cup of coffee?
SiriI've found six coffee shops. Three of them are fairly close to you.
RajI will see you gentlemen later.
HowardShe is gonna break his heart.
AmyFor someone who has a machine that can travel anywhere in time and space, Doctor Who sure does have a thing for modern-day London.
SheldonCareful, it's that kind of sass that can get a person uninvited to this year's Who Con.
PennyUh, we're not counting this as a date, are we?
LeonardUm, I'm not sure, but I think the right answer here is no.
PennyBug report: When a guy asks me to spend time with him, maybe he plans something a little more interesting than hanging out at home, watching TV.
LeonardEven Doctor Who?
PennyEven Doctor Who.
SheldonAll right, that's it. Who Con, you're out.
LeonardOkay, bug report taken. Next time I will have a better plan for our evening's activity.
PennyWell, thank you. I'll see you tomorrow.
LeonardOh, wait, here, almost forgot. Here.
LeonardMy bug report to you.
PennyWell, that's quite a list you got there.
LeonardIt's color coded.
LeonardUh, red means fix right away. Yellow is eh, whenever you get a chance. And green is I could probably learn to live with it. There's a key down here at the bottom. It's neat, huh?
LeonardSo, have a good night.
LeonardLook at that. Some day, we will tell future generations that dating used to be hard.
AmyWhat's baffling me is what you could've possibly put on the list. Hair too golden? Laugh too musical? World too much a better place for her mere presence in it?
SheldonHow about constantly talks with food in her mouth?
AmyHer heart's full of love, no one cares what's in her mouth.
RajSo, Siri, what's happening? How are you?
SiriI am well.
RajWhat are you doing right now?
SiriWhat am I doing? I'm talking with you.
RajYou have a beautiful voice.
SiriThank you, it's nice to be appreciated.
RajI bet it is. Why don't women like me?
SiriLet me check on that. How about a Web search for "why don't women like me?"
RajNo need. I've already done that. Siri, do you have a last name?
SiriMy name is Siri.
RajAh, one name. Like, uh, Cher, Madonna, Adele. All the women who rock me. My name is Rajesh, but you can call me Raj.
SiriWould you like me to call you Raj?
RajI'd like you to call me sexy.
SiriFrom now on, I'll call you sexy. Okay?
Sheldon and Raj's office.
RajSiri, I'm in the mood for gelato.
SiriI found ten restaurants whose reviews mention gelato. Seven of them are fairly close to you.
RajThank you, darling.
SiriYou are most certainly welcome, sexy.
SheldonWell done, Dr. Koothrappali.
SheldonYou've taken a great evolutionary leap by abandoning human interaction and allowing yourself to romantically bond with a soulless machine. Kudos.
RajI haven't bonded with it.
SheldonOh, no, of course. I understand. You're afraid the world isn't ready for your taboo love. Your secret's safe with me.
RajIt's just a phone.
BarryHeads up. Pwofessor Wothman urinated in the particle physics wab again, so, we're gonna move up his wetirement party. Fwiday, five o'cwock, potwuck.
RajThanks, Barry. Siri, remind me Friday morning to make my famous popovers.
SiriAll right, I'll remind you.
BarryYou got Siwi, huh? Voice wecognition on that thing is tewible. Wook. (To his own phone) Siwi, can you wecommend a westauwant?
Barry's SiriI'm sorry, Bawwy. I don't understand "wecommend a westauwant".
BarryWisten to me. Not westauwant, westauwant.
Barry's SiriI don't know what you mean by "not westauwant, westauwant."
BarrySee? Total cwap. You suck, Siwi.
RajHey, don't talk to her like that. She's a lady.
BarryWell, that wady took high-wes pictures of my junk wast night for Cwaigswist. Waiter.
Penny's apartment door. Leonard knocks.
LeonardHey. You ready to go?
PennyYeah, hang on. Let me just finish this chapter.
LeonardCan you finish it later?
PennyNo, I can't. Reading books is a big part of my life now because, you know, we'd have more fun things to talk about if I read more.
LeonardGreat. Good. Great. What are you reading?
PennyTwo Weeks to Rock Hard Abs.
LeonardThey kind of spoil the ending right in the name of that, don't they? All right. Look, just remember how this works. We don't get mad about these things. Uh, speaking of which, I've addressed your bug report on my date planning. Got a really fun evening for you. It's kind of a surprise.
PennyAll right. Terrific. Well, let me just go find a pair of shoes that aren't so tall. We wouldn't want you to feel like you were out for a walk with your mommy.
PennyOh. Here's my list for you, right there.
LeonardAll right, fair enough. I certainly can be quieter when we kiss. I thought it was an expression of passion, but if it's coming across as juicy and weird, who wants that? Uh, uh, I'm sorry, can you be more specific on how my eyebrows are stupid? Nah, never mind, it's right here.
RajGood timing. Dinner's almost ready.
BernadetteOh, smells amazing in here.
HowardYeah, what are we eating?
RajOh, an exotic little treat. I was just talking to Siri about Peking duck, and she said she knew about four Chinese grocers, two of which were fairly close to me. Her spontaneity is contagious.
BernadetteWho's Siri? Is he dating somebody new?
HowardYes. His phone.
BernadetteOh. Is that cute or creepy?
RajCan I pour you some wine? I think you'll enjoy it. The traditional choice with Peking duck is a Sauvignon Blanc, but Siri suggested an off-dry Riesling. I wasn't sure, but I didn't wanna have an argument with her in the middle of Trader Joe's. Now, what should we put Siri in for dinner? Leopard, sparkles, or to paraphrase Coco Chanel, you can never go wrong with a little black case. (Changes Siri's case) Siri, play some smooth jazz.
SiriPlaying smooth jazz.
RajOh, my God, Kenny G? This woman can read me like a book. I can't believe I bought my soul mate at Glendale Galleria.
BernadetteI don't know if I wanna stay.
A shooting range.
PennyThis is amazing. How did you even get this idea?
LeonardI called your dad. I asked him what things you liked to do when you were a kid. This seemed easier than getting a cow out here so you could tip it.
PennyOkay, you're kind of really great.
LeonardYou mean for a person whose neck massages feel like an eagle is trying to carry you to its nest?
PennyOkay, bug report. I just complimented you. You should take it and shut up.
LeonardRight. Sorry, sorry.
PennyAnd stop apologizing all the time.
PennyAll right, let's shoot stuff. You want me to show you what to do?
LeonardI play a lot of Grand Theft Auto. I think I know how to handle a gat.
PennyWow. You are cute when you get all gangsta. (Kisses him. Leonard accidentally shoots himself in the foot.)
LeonardSo, I've got a gunshot wound. That's pretty badass.
PennyNo, you've got a Reebok with a gunshot wound and an ouchie on your pinkie toe.
LeonardHello? They gave me a Band-Aid. Hospitals do not issue Band-Aids unless it is medically necessary. That is the law.
PennyWell, thank you for a really cool evening.
LeonardThank you for hiding my Star Wars socks at the emergency room. Is it a good time to evaluate the beta test and see where we stand?
PennyThings are looking good.
LeonardSo, are we still taking things slow? Because a gunshot wound today, last week, I slammed my thumb in the kitchen drawer. We don't know how much time I have.
PennyGood night, you.
SheldonGuten Tag, das YouTube. Ich bin ein Bavarian.
AmyUnd ich bin eine pretzel!
SheldonUnd dis is Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun-
An office suite.
ReceptionistFirst door on the left.
RajThank you. (Enters a door marked "The Office of Siri" Inside is a red-headed woman sitting at a huge console desk.)
SiriDave, I found six vacuum cleaner repair shops in your area. Four are fairly close to you. (To Raj) Hello, sexy. What can I help you with? If you'd like to make love to me, just tell me. (Raj tries to speak) I'm sorry. I don't understand.
Raj(Waking from a dream) Nooo!