Previously on the Big Bang Theory. PennyWho says something like that right in the middle of sex?
LeonardIt was the heat of the moment.
PennyNo, the heat of the moment is, ooh, yeah, just like that, not will you marry me?
HowardNASA really wants my telescope up on the space station, so they're putting me on an earlier launch.
BernadetteWhen?
HowardA week from Friday.
BernadetteWhat? We're getting married that Sunday.
HowardYou're right. I, I can't go to space. I have to get married, and no one can say that's not a good reason. I'll call him back.
BernadetteWe'll have the wedding when you get back.
HowardYour dad's gonna be furious. There's no way he's gonna let us postpone this wedding. Well, we tried.
BernadetteI'll talk to him. He won't say no to his little girl.
HowardNo. I, uh, I should talk to him, man to man.
HowardAll right, look, I'm gonna level with you. I'm terrified about going into space. What if I don't make it back?
Mr. RostenkowskiIt's gonna be okay, son.
HowardYou really think so?
Mr. RostenkowskiOf course. A pretty girl like Bernadette, she'll find a new guy. And now, a Soyuz Spaceship capsule. Mission Control(In Russian) Launch step twelve reading okay.
Cosmonaut(In Russian) Launch step twelve acknowledged.
HowardHey Mike?
Mike MassiminoYeah.
HowardI changed my mind. I don't wanna do this.
MikeGood one.
HowardYeah, I'm a funny guy. I also have a hysterical bit planned for later where I pretend to cry through the whole launch. The apartment. LeonardSheldon, what channel is NASA TV?
Sheldon289, right between the Game Show Network at 288 and the East coast feed of the Disney Channel on 290.
AmyI love his eidetic memory, it's so sexy. Sheldon, what are the ingredients in Pringles?
SheldonDried potatoes, vegetable oil, corn flower, wheat starch, maltodextrin, salt, and my favorite ingredient of all, uniformity.
AmyThe uterus quivers, does it not?
LeonardThere's Howard's rocket, live from Kazakhstan.
BernadetteOh, God, I'm so nervous. I don't think I can watch.
RajYou're nervous? I've been stress-eating for four days. Look at me. I'm wearing my fat pants.
SheldonRemarkable. In just under a half hour, 200 metric tons of fuel will ignite in a controlled explosion right beneath Howard's keister. And all from a country whose entire contribution to the global economy, has been Tetris and mail-order brides.
BernadetteGive me those damn Pringles. (Starts stress-eating) Soyuz capsule. CosmonautAre all of the systems of the ship ready?
Mission ControlDa.
MikeOkay, we're in the final countdown. How you doing over there?
HowardGood! Good! Oh, quick question, I missed it in the briefing. How much urine do these suits hold?
[Later.]
MikeHey, Froot Loops, wanna hit your fan switch?
HowardCheck.
CosmonautHe calls you Froot Loops because of your very gay haircut?
HowardNo, it's 'cause I live with my mom and she makes me Froot Loops.
CosmonautGo with gay story, people are more accepting of that.
MikeActually, Froot Loops just got married to a girl.
CosmonautCongratulations.
HowardThanks, we decided to do it before the launch.
CosmonautYou and Mrs. Loops have a big wedding?
HowardNot exactly. Listen, if you don't mind, I'm not really up for chatting. I'm just gonna sit here quietly and let my life flash before my eyes. That went really quick. Let me try it again. Howard's bedroom. HowardClose your eyes. Put out your hand. I got you something special.
BernadetteCome on, Howard. I'm not falling for that again.
HowardNo, here.
BernadetteOh, Howie. A little star, it's beautiful. Put it on me.
HowardOkay, but I'm gonna have to get it back from you so I can take it to the International Space Station. That way, when I come home, you will have a star that was actually in space.
BernadetteOh, my God.
HowardTake that, every guy who's ever bought you anything.
BernadetteThis is the most amazing gift I've ever gotten.
HowardReally? Well, if you like it that much, then close your eyes and put out your hand.
Mrs Wolowitz(Off) I'm going to the supermarket to buy snacks for your trip. Do you want me to get those little boxes of Froot Loops you like?
HowardNo! When I eat Froot Loops, the other astronauts make fun of me!
BernadetteHoward, I don't wanna wait until you're back to get married.
HowardWhat?
BernadetteI-I wanna be married to you before you get in that rocket.
HowardBut I'm leaving in two days.
Mrs WolowitzWhat about Apple Jacks?
HowardI don't need to take cereal.
Mrs WolowitzWhat kind of breakfast do you think they're going to give you in Russia?
HowardThey invented blintzes. I'll be fine.
Mrs WolowitzThey invented the lightbulb in New Jersey. It doesn't mean they hand them out to you when you go.
BernadetteWe'll have a quick little ceremony with just our friends, and we'll still have the big reception with everyone when you get back.
HowardWow. Okay. Let's get married.
Mrs WolowitzYou know what, I'll buy you All-Bran in case you get stopped up in outer space. The apartment. BernadetteSo anyway, we decided to go down to City Hall this afternoon get married, and then have the reception when Howard gets back.
LeonardThat's so great. (Others also make encouraging sounds)
HowardI mean, we know it's short notice, but we'd love you all to come with us.
AmyNo, no, no, this is not the wedding I wanted! I wanna wear my maid of honor dress and walk down the aisle with a hundred eyes on me, while a string quartet plays The Way You Look Tonight.
BernadetteThat wasn't going to be our processional music.
AmyWell, it was gonna be mine.
SheldonThank you for the invitation, but I have to decline because it doesn't sound like something I'll enjoy.
LeonardCome on, Sheldon, it'll be fun.
SheldonThat's what you said about The Green Lantern movie. You were 114 minutes of wrong.
BernadetteSo, what do you say, Amy?
AmyCan I wear my maid of honor dress?
BernadetteSeriously? You're gonna wear that thing to City Hall?
AmyIt's all I have left. You're gonna take that from me, too? City Hall. PennyAmy, you look great.
AmyI know.
LeonardWhere'd you get a beer?
RajFrom that happy young couple over there with all the tattoos. Beautiful story, they're in rival drug gangs, and they're getting married. Shh, no one can know. {[West Side Story] [Romeo and Juliet]}
AmyLook at all these people in love. It kinda gets you thinking, doesn't it?
SheldonIt does, indeed. Leonard, is it awkward being here with Penny given that you recently proposed to her?
HowardYou proposed to Penny?
LeonardI don't wanna talk about it.
RajWhere did he pop the question? What did you say?
LeonardShe said no, can we drop it now?
PennyIt wasn't a real proposal.
BernadetteWhy wasn't it a real proposal?
SheldonHe asked her during coitus.
HowardDid you get down on one knee or were you already there?
BernadetteHoward, don't talk like that on your wedding day.
HowardI'm sorry, Ma- Bernadette. Ma- Burna- You're ma Bernadette.
PennyGood move telling Sheldon.
LeonardWhat, I can't propose? I can't talk to my friends? Is there anything else I'm not allowed to do?
AmyAll right, that's enough. Today is not about you two. Today is about Howard and Bernadette and me.
RegistrarFolks, can I have your attention. It's five o'clock, we're gonna be able to take three more couples. The rest of you will have to come back on Monday.
BernadetteOh, no.
HowardI got this. Excuse me, but is there any way you could squeeze us in? See, I'm an astronaut and I'm leaving for Russia on Sunday so I can take a Soyuz rocket to the International Space Station.
RegistrarYeah, me too. I'll see you there.
BernadetteI can't believe we're not gonna get married.
Amy'Scuse me, I'm gonna go see if the couple at the front of the line needs a maid of honor. Soyuz capsule. CosmonautSo, I tell my wife, get a dog, don't get a dog, I'm not walking it, I'm not feeding it, I'm not picking up after it.
MikeYou know you're gonna wind up walking it.
CosmonautI know.
HowardUh, shouldn't you guys be talking about space stuff instead of dogs?
MikeDimitri, Froot Loops would be more comfortable if we talked about space stuff.
DimitriOkay, I'm going into space, and when I come back, I have to pick up a poodle crap.
MikeIs that better?
HowardThanks. The Cheesecake Factory bar. HowardYou know, we could always drive to Vegas and get married.
BernadetteNo, isn't that kind of tacky?
PennyHey, I know tons of people who got married in Vegas.
BernadetteAre any of them still married?
PennyYeah, I mean, not to the same people but-
BernadetteThere's gotta be some place special we could do it.
SheldonLeonard, where did you envision marrying Penny?
LeonardWill you shut up?
RajWell, I know how to make it special.
HowardI told you we are not recreating the wedding from The Sound of Music.
RajYes, you made that brutally clear to me. What I was going to suggest is if that you're willing to wait until Sunday morning, the Google satellite will be over Pasadena. You can have a wedding photograph from space.
AllOh!
LeonardThat's so cool.
HowardOh, way to go, Raj.
RajI keep telling you, if I wasn't an astrophysicist, I would've been a party planner. It was always a coin flip.
HowardOkay, so we know we're gonna do it Sunday morning. Now we need to find a good place for the satellite to see us.
LeonardHow about our roof?
BernadetteOh, I like that.
HowardThat's great.
AmyOh, my gosh. I can't believe my maid of honor dress is going to be on Google Earth.
HowardSo, we have the where and the when, but we still need to figure out who's gonna do the ceremony.
PennyWell, that's easy. Anyone can go online and get ordained as a minister. I know a piercing parlor where, for a hundred bucks they'll marry you and stick a wedding ring through any body part you want.
BernadetteGreat, well, who's it gonna be?
SheldonI'll do it, provided I can perform the ceremony in Klingon.
BernadetteNo.
Sheldon(To Howard) What do you see in her? Soyuz capsule. Dimitri(In Russian) Mission Control, say again, how fast is it leaking?
HowardLeaking? What's leaking?
DimitriFuel. Shh.
Mission Control(In Russian) Not bad. We feel okay to go.
Dimitri(In Russian) Okay, thanks Mission Control.
HowardThere's fuel leaking and we're still going to go?
MikeDon't lose your Froot Loops, Froot Loops.
DimitriThis happens a lot. Nine times out of ten, no problem.
HowardWhat happens on the tenth time?
DimitriProblem. The apartment. HowardHey, guys, before I forget, I got you a little groomsman present.
RajOh, thanks, man.
SheldonYou didn't have to do that.
HowardFantastic Four, annual number three from 1965, in mint condition. The one where Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Girl get married.
LeonardOh, wow.
SheldonOh, dear. I was afraid of this.
HowardWhat?
SheldonWhile a thoughtful gift, this comic book in this condition is worth at least a hundred dollars.
HowardYeah, so?
SheldonI bought you and Bernadette a gravy boat worth eighty-eight dollars. Which places me in your debt and I can't be in your debt because someday you might ask me to help you move, or to kill a man.
LeonardI doubt he'll ask you to kill a man.
SheldonWell, what if it's his only way out? I can't risk it. Here is twelve dollars. Now, we're even. Wait, wait, wait, I bought a card. Give me two dollars. And for the record, this is why I hate gift-giving. Penny's door. Howard knocks. AmyWho is it?
HowardIt's the groom.
AmyCan't come in. Bad luck to see the bride.
HowardOkay, uh, fine. Bernie, I have to go pick up my mother. I'll be right back.
Bernadette(Off) Why can't she drive herself?
HowardShe doesn't wanna sit in her dress and wrinkle it so I'm gonna lay her down in the back of my neighbor's van.
BernadetteAll right, just hurry!
HowardOkay, I'll see you later, Ma- uh- lovely bride-to-be. I really gotta watch that. The roof. LeonardCome on, Raj, we're ready to start.
RajWhat, we're ready when I say we're ready. Uh-du-du-du, ooh, okay, now we're ready.
HowardMa, you wanna move your chair over here so you can see?
Mrs WolowitzI'm fine where I am. I don't wanna fall off the roof.
HowardYou'll fall through the roof before you fall off it.
RajPenny. (She starts music playing)
Mr RostenkowskiYour new mother-in-law's a piece of work.
BernadetteNot now, Dad.
Mr RostenkowskiShe's got a bigger mustache than me. Here you go.
BernadetteHere you go? What am I, a football?
Mr Rostenkowski(To himself) Like that guy could catch a football.
RajHoward and Bernadette, the five of us stand before you as your friends and newly ordained ministers.
Mrs WolowitzLouder!
BernadetteThey all got ordained, they're all marrying us, it's adorable, if you wanna hear, come closer.
RajGuys, when I look at the two of you starting your lives together, it fills my heart, It fills my, heart, okay, I'm gonna need a minute.
PennyOkay, I'll, I'll go. Howard and Bernadette, I know you two planned on getting married in a big fancy wedding, but when you're in love, it doesn't matter where or how these things happen. It just matters that you have each other.
LeonardHmm.
PennyProblem?
LeonardNo.
SheldonI think the Reverend Hofstadter is making an ironic connection between your statement about love and your rejection of his proposal in the bedroom.
PennyOh, grow up.
LeonardHey, I didn't say it.
AmyAll right, that's enough from the both of you.
PennyWell, he started it.
AmyWell, I'm ending it. Bernadette, I wanna thank you for allowing me to be your maid of honor. I also want you to know, that I will be happy to do it again if this marriage craps out.
LeonardThank you, Amy. Very touching. Howard and Bernadette, you are lucky enough to be best friends who love each other. And that's the strongest kind of love because at its core, it has kindness, patience, and respect. Qualities that are hard to find in people these days.
Sheldon(To Penny) Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned. All right, my turn. Howard, Bernadette. (Begins speaking in Klingon)
BernadetteSheldon! I told you no Klingon.
SheldonFine, I'll do it in English, but it loses something. The need to find another human being to share one's life with has always puzzled me. Maybe because I'm so interesting all by myself. With that being said, may you find as much happiness with each other as I find on my own. The Klingon would've made you cry.
RajI believe you two have prepared vows?
BernadetteHoward Joel Wolowitz, like you, this is going to be short and sweet. I love you with all my heart and soul and promise to be with you forever.
HowardBernadette Maryann Rostenkowski.
Mrs WolowitzSpeak up!
HowardHey, from now on, she's the only women who can yell at me! Until I met you, I couldn't imagine spending my life with just one person. And now I can't imagine spending one day of it without you.
AllBy the power vested in us, by the state of California-
SheldonAnd the Klingon High Council-
AllWe now pronounce you husband and wife. Soyuz capsule. MikeThat's ignition. I love this part.
DimitriMe too.
HowardI have strongly mixed feelings. The apartment. BernadetteOh, my God, it's happening.
PennyDid I miss it?
LeonardNo, come on in. Hurry.
BernadetteI love that man.
RajMe too.
PennyI can't believe it. This whole time, a small part of me thought he was lying.
LeonardThis is it.
SheldonBoldly go, Howard Wolowitz.
(Russian countdown ends, rocket takes off)
Howard(Off) Oy vay!