The apartment. Sheldon is steaming a Star Trek uniform. LeonardHey, will you steam my uniform next?
SheldonInteresting. Do you recall this conversation? Leonard, wanna go halfsies on a steamer? No, Sheldon, we don't need a steamer. Looks like that rumpled chicken's come home to roost.
PennyHi. Here are the make-up sponges you asked for.
LeonardOh, thanks, I thought I had more.
PennyDamn, you've got more makeup than I do. You've got better makeup than I do. Yeah, I'm borrowing this.
LeonardHey, hey, hey, hey. This is my Comic-Con makeup. I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend.
SheldonThat's a wise policy. I once borrowed my sister's makeup for a costume contest. Got a terrible case of pinkeye. But luckily, I was going as a zombie. I won second place.
PennyI feel like you guys just went to Comic-Con.
LeonardThat was San Diego Comic-Con. This is Bakersfield Comic-Con.
PennyIs that better?
LeonardWell, it's a lot smaller. It's more about the comic books. The way these conventions used to be before they went all Hollywood.
SheldonSo to answer your question, no, it's not better.
PennyWell then why are you going?
SheldonIt's a comic book convention. You know, it's like pizza or particle accelerators, even the stinky one's still pretty good.
PennyAll right. Well, you guys have fun. I guess I'll see you Sunday night.
LeonardYeah.
PennyOkay.
LeonardOh, hang on a second. (Hands her the day's newspaper) Hold this. (Photographs the two of them together)
PennyWhat was that for?
LeonardTo show people when they don't believe me. A restaurant. PennyOh, this is the best. You have booze with breakfast on a Tuesday, you got a problem. You do it on the weekend, you got brunch.
AmySheldon doesn't believe in brunch. He can't stand being at a table where one person's having an omelette and another person's having a sandwich.
BernadetteHe's not exhausting at all.
Penny(Receiving text) Oh. It's Leonard. He says they're on the road and headed for Bakersfield at warp speed. Maybe it's the mimosa, but I'm gonna give the kid an LOL.
BernadetteIt's cute how excited they are. You should've seen Howard sewing his costume all week for the convention.
AmyWhen did Howard learn to sew?
BernadetteWhen he was a little boy, every couple months, he would have to let his mom's pants out.
AmyI don't even understand why they go to these conventions.
PennyI know. The four of them work at a major university. They're all super smart. How can they still be into something made for 12-year-olds?
BernadetteI don't mind it. I think Howie's just in touch with his inner child. Although when he comes to bed in his Batman pyjamas, sometimes it feels like I'm touching his inner child.
AmyIt's probably because they were bullied growing up. In a world where you can't fight back, superheroes provide meaningful wish-fulfillment.
PennyMmmm. Now I feel bad for picking on all those kids. Although, in my defence, if Danny Biffle didn't wanna eat a mouthful of dirt, he shouldn't have shown up to school wearing a bow tie.
BernadetteI've never even read a comic book. You guys?
PennyUh-uh.
AmyNo.
BernadetteI mean, it's such an important part of their lives. Maybe we should try reading some.
AmySeriously?
BernadetteThe comic book store isn't far from here.
PennyThat is an amazing idea. Okay, how many of these have I had? Leonard's car. SheldonI think you should turn on the GPS.
LeonardIt is on.
SheldonBut the turn-by-turn voice option isn't on. I know I'd feel more safe if you turn on the turn-by-turn voice option. I love the turn-by-turn voice option.
HowardHas it really only been ten miles?
LeonardI'm turning it on, but just to shut you up.
GPS(In Sheldon's voice) Leonard, bear left and continue on Interstate 210.
SheldonOh, sounds like that fellow knows what he's talking about. I'd put on my listening ears if I were you.
LeonardWhat did you do?
SheldonI found a hack online. I was able to upload MP3 recordings of my voice to your GPS.
RajThat is so cool.
LeonardCounterpoint, no, it's not.
GPSContinue on Interstate 210 for five miles. Here's an interesting fact about interstates.
LeonardReally?
SheldonShh, he said it's interesting.
GPSInterstates are numbered as follows. Even-numbered routes run east and west, odd-numbered routes run north and south. Three-digit route numbers indicate bypasses or spurs.
HowardLook, Leonard, there's a bridge. Drive off it.
RajYou know, we're not that far from Vazquez Rocks.
SheldonOh, they shot a lot of Star Trek episodes out there.
HowardWe've got our costumes in the trunk. We could go there and have a little photo shoot.
RajGreat idea. I haven't had a carbohydrate in two weeks. These cheekbones need to be in front of a camera before I eat a pretzel and they're gone.
LeonardYeah, that sounds fun.
SheldonOh, smashing. Now, Leonard, do you know how to get there?
LeonardNo.
SheldonYeah, well luckily, someone in the car does.
GPSRecalculating. While we're waiting, do you know which president signed the Intestate Highway System Act into law? The answer, coming up in 14 miles.
SheldonNone of you will get it. It's Eisenhower. The comic book store. BernadetteWhy are they staring?
AmyWho cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.
StuartOh, hey. Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
PennyHey, Stuart.
StuartWell, what brings you guys here?
BernadetteWe were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
StuartOh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
PennyNo, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought we'd give it a try.
StuartOh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga- (To a guy who is staring) I swear I will turn a hose on you.
BernadetteWhat kind of comics do the guys like?
StuartUm, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
AmyAll right, well, who's the best superhero?
StuartShh! You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble?
PennyWell then, what do you recommend?
StuartWell, uh, let's see. You've got your basic clean-cut good guys, Superman, Spider-Man, Captain America. Then you have your darker anti-heroes, your Batman, your Wolverine, Punisher.
AmyOoh, I do love a bad boy.
PennyAs evidenced by your boyfriend and his fear of hamsters.
StuartIf I were you, I'd go for Fables number one. The artwork is sophisticated, it's intelligently written, and it doesn't objectify or stereotype women.
PennyOoh, Thor! He's hot.
StuartYeah, he kinda is. Vasquez Rocks. Sheldon, dressed as Data, is having his makeup put on by Raj, dressed as Worf. RajAnd we're blending, and we're blending, and we're done.
SheldonI know Mr. Data isn't supposed to smile, but here it comes.
Howard(Dressed as a Borg) Come on, guys. Let's do this.
Leonard(Dressed as Captain Picard) Yeah, I'm sweating my bald cap off.
HowardSo what's our first pose gonna be?
RajI say we begin with a classic Star Trek fight scene.
LeonardI'll set the timer.
HowardSheldon, how is that a fight pose?
SheldonMr. Data's weapon is his mind. I'm wielding it.
RajPhasers on the Borg! Charlie's Angels.
HowardOkay, what's next?
RajNow let's do some sexy glamor shots. I'll set the mood. (Rhythmically) Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, Yeah, nice one, oontz, oontz. That's right. Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz-
HowardOh, my God. Leonard, someone's stealing your car!
LeonardWhat? Hey, hey! Come back here!
RajStop!
SheldonStealing is against the law!
LeonardI don't believe this.
HowardSon of a bitch.
RajI'll call 911. What, oh, no, my phone is in my other pants.
HowardOh, so is mine.
LeonardMine, too. Anybody got any ideas?
SheldonNope. The only thing left to do now is assign blame. (To Raj) Nice going. The side of the road. LeonardWhat kind of a person steals another person's car in broad daylight?
SheldonWhat kind of person leaves his keys in the car?
LeonardI thought we agreed this was all Koothrappali's fault.
SheldonYou're right. Nice going.
HowardCar.
RajWhat is wrong with people? Why don't they stop?
SheldonMaybe we're better off. You know, what if we were to get in a car with a crazy person?
LeonardLook at us, Sheldon. We're the crazy people.
SheldonWell, perhaps we should hold up a sign that assures passing motorists of our mental competence.
HowardGood idea. Why don't you get started on that?
LeonardCome on, let's just start walking. There's got to be a gas station or something nearby.
SheldonWhat, you think just because you're wearing a captain's uniform, you're in charge?
LeonardYes.
SheldonAll right. Penny's apartment. PennyHmm, okay, I'm done. How did you guys finish so fast?
BernadetteI don't know, there were a lot of pictures, and one page only had the word brakkadoom!
PennyYeah, well, I have street smarts.
BernadetteSo, what'd you guys think?
AmyWell, there was a lot of action.
PennyMmm.
AmyAnd the story moved along at a brisk pace. It was, overall, what's the word I'm looking for?
PennyStupid?
AmySo stupid.
PennyI don't know how Leonard can get so caught up in this.
BernadetteIt's crazy, they spend hours arguing about things that don't even exist.
AmyWhat a waste of time.
PennyI know. A hammer so heavy that no one else can pick it up?
BernadetteI don't think it's heavy. It's some sort of magic, so only Thor can lift it.
PennyThat makes even less sense, I mean-
AmyNo, no, no, it doesn't. Thor is a god. The hammer is his, only he can use it. It's like Sheldon and his toothbrush. Or his thin, beckoning lips.
PennyOkay, hang on, what if Thor's hand is on the hammer? I mean, if he's touching it with his god magic, does that mean I could lift it?
BernadetteNo.
AmyYes.
PennyWell, which is it?
AmyMaybe we missed something.
BernadetteLet's read it again.
PennyOkay.
AmyYeah.
BernadetteYou want some tea?
AmyGood idea. I'll help you.
PennyWait, I thought we were reading.
AmyWe are. We're just, uh, giving you a head start. The desert. HowardI wish my mom was here. We could all hang out in her shadow.
RajWool pants in the desert. I feel like I've got poached testicles.
LeonardOh, you poor thing, you're sweating. That's so much worse than having your car stolen.
RajInsurance is gonna buy you a new car. It's not gonna de-funk my junk.
SheldonGentlemen, a little less bellyaching. We're Starfleet officers and a member of the Borg Collective.
LeonardPlease, Sheldon, I am so not in the mood.
SheldonLeonard, all our lives we have dreamed of finding ourselves inside one of the fantasy worlds we love. And look at us. At this moment, we are, in fact, a Star Trek landing party stranded in an alien and unforgiving environment, relying only on our wits, our fortitude and our moxie. As long as we have those things, nothing can stop-
Guys in Passing Car(Throws a drink over Sheldon) Nerds!
SheldonI hate this planet. Penny's Apartment. AmyIt says right here on the hammer, whoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.
BernadetteHold on, who decides who's worthy? Does the hammer decide?
PennyYes!
AmyNo! It can't decide. It's a hammer.
PennyYou said it's a magic hammer.
AmyYeah, but, it can't make decisions.
PennyIf Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer?
AmyOkay, if you're gonna start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously. A diner. SheldonHello. Hello. Uh, uh, uh, four glasses of water, please. Anything for you guys?
LeonardCan I use your phone? Our car got stolen.
WaitressWhy don't you ask Scotty to beam you up?
SheldonScotty was on the original series, and we're Next Generation. So, joke's on you.
HowardWe're not with him. Penny's apartment. AmyYou can't pick something up in outer space. In space, there is no up.
PennyOh, yeah? Then how does the sun come up every day?
AmyHard to argue with those kinda street smarts.
BernadetteLeonard and Sheldon have boxes of comics across the hall. Why don't we go look at those?
PennyOh, great. Yes. And then you will see, I am not wrong, because if we were in outer space, then anyone could pick up the hammer because it would be floating around in a weightless environment. Yeah, that's right, the slow reader used science. Suck on that. The diner. PolicemanWas there anything valuable in the car?
LeonardOur clothes, our wallets, phones.
RajAnd about three hundred dollars worth of makeup, so this thief could look like anyone right now.
PolicemanMakeup? Sure.
LeonardUh, we're going to the Comic-Con in Bakersfield. They have a big costume contest. It's cooler than it sounds.
PolicemanI don't know, sounds pretty cool.
RajIt, it is. It's not just comic books. They've got action figures, toys, a Tron-themed dance party.
LeonardOkay, he gets how cool it is.
PolicemanI think I have all I need here. You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms?
LeonardThanks, but we've got it covered.
HowardOkay, I just talked to my mom. She arranged for us to get a rental car.
RajGreat. We can still make it to Comic-Con.
LeonardAre you kidding me? After all we've been through, I just wanna go home.
RajDon't be like that. Come on, Howard, talk to him.
HowardI'm with Leonard. I'm done.
RajFine, then I guess it's two against two. How do we decide?
SheldonActually, it's three against one.
RajWhat? What about the mission? You said we were a real-life landing party.
SheldonYeah, well, we're not. We're an imaginary landing party who had real-life garbage thrown at us by real-life strangers who think we're idiots. And to tell you the truth, I'm starting to feel like one. I wanna go home now.
RajOkay. Did we at least rent the car from Enterprise? Get it? Enterprise? Screw you. That's funny. The apartment. BernadetteWell, what if the Hulk picked up Thor while Thor is holding the hammer?
AmyYeah?
BernadetteThen by the transitive property of picking things up, Hulk picked up the hammer.
AmyNo. Hulk picked up Thor, Thor picked up the hammer.
PennyOkay, hang on. If I go to a bar and pick up a guy, and he picks up a girl, and then we all leave together, did I pick up the girl?
AmyDid that ever happen?
PennyHey, are we talking about me or are we talking about Thor? The stairwell. SheldonWell, I say that's the last time we ever go outside.
Amy(Off) Look, right here. Red Hulk is picking up Thor's hammer 'cause Thor's touching it.
PennyNo, it's because they're in space. He's really just touching the strap.
AmyThe strap is part of the hammer.
BernadetteNo, it's not!
RajAre they actually arguing about comic books?
LeonardNo, that can't be right.
HowardMaybe Thor's Hammer is a new color of nail polish.
BernadetteThen Red Hulk must be worthy.
PennyHow could Red Hulk be worthy?
BernadetteYou don't know his life.
SheldonThere's only one logical explanation. Somewhere in the desert we crossed into an alternate dimension where the women in our lives can finally appreciate great literature.
RajIf it's an alternate dimension, sounds like a job for a landing party.
SheldonCaptain, what are your orders?
LeonardI say we investigate.
SheldonWait. They might be hostile.
LeonardFine, but set them to stun. If we vaporize Penny, I'll never find a girlfriend that pretty again. Leonard's car. GPSFun fact, President Eisenhower signed the Federal Aid Highway Act from his hospital room.
First Car ThiefWow, that is interesting.
Second Car ThiefYou learn something new every day.
GPSSay, can you name the four state capitals that are not served by the interstate system?
First Car ThiefOoh, another quiz.
Second Car ThiefYes!