A restaurant. Penny is serving Sheldon and Amy. PennyAwkward silence. Sheldon on his phone. No touching. Somebody's having date night.
AmyIt's actually steamier than it looks. Sheldon's looking up the phallic symbolism of root vegetables in Renaissance paintings.
SheldonOh, no, I got bored with that. I'm just browsing cuticle scissors on Amazon.
PennyHow do you not tear off his clothes and take him right here on this table?
SheldonIf you do that, I'll scream.
AmySheldon, I have some exciting news to tell you.
SheldonThat makes two of us. My new cuticle scissors will be here in one to two business days. Come on, one.
AmyI've been invited to consult on an experiment at your university for a few months. Isn't that great? We could have lunch together. We could carpool.
SheldonYou know, riding with Leonard has gotten a little tedious lately. Th-The only car game he ever wants to play is the Quiet Game. And he's terrible at it. I always win.
AmySo, you're okay with this?
SheldonWell, why wouldn't I be?
AmyWell, this project would have us working in close proximity to one another. And there's the vulgar adage that one should not defecate where one eats.
SheldonMy father used to say that all the time. That and, um, "Who does one have to orally gratify to get a drink around here?" But what does that have to do with you working at the university?
AmySheldon, "Don't defecate where you eat" means don't have a romantic relationship in the workplace.
SheldonReally?
AmyYes.
SheldonYeah, I always took it literally. That's why I have never once moved my bowels in this or any restaurant.
AmyI'm relieved that you don't have a problem with us working together.
SheldonNot as relieved as I'm about to be. It's a brave new world, little lady. Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. The guys are playing Mystic Warlords of Ka'a. HowardAre you crazy? You don't want your girlfriend at work with you. Hell Clam.
SheldonWhy not? Hairy Fairy.
RajI think it could be romantic. You know, my parents met at his place of work.
LeonardYour father's a gynecologist.
RajI know. What started as a pap smear turned into a date. Which turned into her working there, which turned into marriage, which then turned into hatred, which continues to this day. Two-Eyed Cyclops.
HowardWould you please tell him this isn't a good idea?
LeonardNo, no, I think it'll be great. Maybe next time he gets conjunctivitis at work, she can hold his head and try to put the drops in his eyes. Giant baby.
SheldonThat's a Raging Ogre.
LeonardYeah, I know.
HowardI'm just saying, I'd never want to work with Bernadette. Can you imagine seeing someone all day long and then you're supposed to hang out with them after work, too?
RajHold on. We do that all the time. You and I work together and play together.
HowardYeah, I know, and it drove me into the arms of another woman. Bipolar Bear.
SheldonWell, I appreciate your concern, but I won't be seeing any more of Amy than I already do. I assume we'll deduct any extra time we spend together at work from our weekly quota.
LeonardPlease let me be there when you tell her that.
SheldonWhy? So you can see the look on Amy's face when she hears my top-notch idea?
LeonardPlease, oh, please, just let me be there. Penny's apartment. The girls are drinking wine. BernadetteSo, Amy, what are you gonna be working on at Caltech?
AmyI'm leading a study to see if deficiency of the monoamine oxidase enzyme leads to paralyzing fear in monkeys.
BernadetteIf they're anything like humans, the answer's yes.
AmyWait, you've-you've done this experiment on humans?
BernadetteYou mean like death row inmates with nothing to lose? No, that would be unethical.
PennyYou know, not a lot of people know this, but the monoamine oxidase enzyme was discovered by a woman, Mary Bernheim. (Shows them her smartphone) That's right. My phone is just as smart as you guys.
Sheldon(Knocks on the door) Amy, Bernadette, Penny. Amy, Bernadette, Penny. Amy, Bernadette, Penny.
BernadetteHe's never gonna stop doing that, is he?
Amy(Stands up to answer the door) I don't mind. I'm hoping to put his love of repetition to good use someday.
SheldonUm... I've reconsidered. Uh, you can't work where I work. (to Penny and Bernadette) Enjoy the rest of your evening.
AmySheldon. I-I already signed the contract. I cashed a check.
SheldonYou are not going to come out of this looking good.
PennySheldon, I don't understand. I thought you said you were fine with it.
SheldonWell, I was. But that was before Howard explained to me how awful it would be if he had to work with his significant other.
BernadetteHe said what?
SheldonNow, don't be insulted. He just thinks too much of you would be mind-numbingly tedious.
BernadetteExcuse me, I need to have a chat with my husband.
SheldonYeah, well, now, well... keep it short. Fr